Not the Best Time, WFAA Tower

When I'm stuck in epic eastbound I-30 traffic after an epic failure, not the best time at all. Oh, and go fist yourself, CJ.

WWCD Crew Watching First Pitch With the Masses in the Cheap Seats

Just cause you can't see the ball doesn't mean you can't see the small-town Ranger sluts struttin' that ass in those cut-off jeans and sheepish, jail-bait grins.

You Have Until Friday at 4 to Grab Your Rangers Hat and Jersey T

Franchise record 96 wins. Closing out the year winning 14 of 16 and six straight. Offense crushing bombs like you dream about. Rays, Sox, '27 Yankees... who gives a shit. This team is ready for October baseball.

Touchdowns Are Over-Rated

Bring on more blondes and low fives!

Rangers Clinch AL West with Five Games Left, Tell Angels to Go F Themselves

(Pictures below from Dallas Morning News)

How's it feel, Anaheim? Still feels pretty good to live in the city of winners down here. Even better when you can clinch at home in front of the fans that hung around to watch Oakland beat Weaver.

Fort Worth Freshman Suspended for Comments on Gays, Still Has a Long Way to Go to Become a WWCD Intern

FORT WORTH – A foreign language class and the First Amendment collided at Western Hills High School on Tuesday when Dakota Ary said he made a casual comment to a friend. “Someone in the back of the classroom asked, ‘What are the views on gays in Germany and Europe?,’” Ary explained. “And I said to my friend behind me that, ‘I’m a Christian, I believe gays are wrong.'” The comment landed the high school freshmen in a vice-principal’s office with a disciplinary note. School administrators then suspended Dakota for two days, until his mother hired an attorney and met with principals on Wednesday morning. Dakota’s mother, Holly Pope, said her son maintains good grades, plus he plays tight end on the freshmen football team.

Look, Dakota, no one respects your right to free speech, particularly about the intrusive and overbearing gay community, more than me. It's just that when it came time make the Varsity Intolerance Team, you just solidified your place on the Freshmen squad for the year. First, if you're going to call queens out, you've gotta start going by your middle name or something, not the name of a frail child actress. Second, if you're gonna get that precious TV airtime, you've gotta drop a Mucinex or at least hawk that phlegm out like it's your job. Clean it up a little, homecoming's right around the corner. Third, tight end? Come on, bro, no one's buying it with that frame, or else your QB is a Romo lung puncture waiting to happen. Even Witten has to block first, buddy, it's not all about pass-catching and glory. Finally, you can't just come out and say that "gays are wrong." You got baited and drawn offsides by something that was bigger than you or the original question, and you moved us all back 5 yards in the process. It's way too direct, abrasive, and hurtful. Try working for a blog that underhandedly points out the moral and social deficiencies of the gay in a cheap and sarcastic, yet convenient and hilarious forum. It's how everyone wins, Dakota, without the cumbersome suspensions or meddling, hyper-tolerant administrators. Heed this advice, get that degree, and talk to me in four years. There just might be a spot for you at WWCD if you can tighten that game up. The gays will still be here for you.

Dallas Gays Mail In Pride Parade, Must Be Saving Up for Halloween

DALLAS — A colorful celebration of gay pride had thousands lining the streets of Oak Lawn on Sunday. The theme of this year's Alan Ross Texas Freedom Parade was "It only gets better." Fort Worth City Council member Joel Burns served as honorary grand marshal. His tearful speech about being bullied as a teen over his sexuality made national headlines last fall. Members of the Dallas City Council and new Mayor Mike Rawlings threw beads from a float. Dallas County Sheriff Lupe Valdez also took part in the 28th annual event, riding a horse.

I'm not really sure if this 30-second video got any more wild because I fell asleep at the 15-second mark, and then tried again but fell alseep right after hitting play. In fact, even the article about the parade was more exciting than parade itself, because then at least I felt better about having missed video of our fat ass sheriff permanently disfuguring a horse's spine or some cry-me-a-river story about some dude who was bullied as a kid. I can only hope this was just poor coverage, because it will be a sad day when we can't use gay pride parades to make us normal people feel better about ourselves by pointing and laughing at boot-wearing brunettes, father-less, Bravo-watching sausage jockeys, and unstably-costumed trannies.

Can We Responsibly Assume That a Grandkid Was Sacrified for That One?

It was probably the chick... always on the damn phone.