Dirk Nowitzki is Good at Basketball

Personally I thought that the way JET was playing in the 4th quarter, he should have taken the last shot. I'd have a little extra motivation too if Jameer Nelson said I didn't need a sweatband cause all I do is hang out and shoot 3's. Then Dirk showed Hedu, me, and all of Orlando why he's the man, and why I'm the chump pants-less on the recliner. Sorry Dirk, and congrats on the engagement.

Happy National Cleavage Day Everyone!

LONDON - What do you get when you combine a faux-holiday with women nearly naked in the streets? You get a group of women strutting around London and making a scene, all in the name of National Cleavage Day.
What's National Cleavage Day? It depends who you ask. The Sun describes it as a holiday to "celebrate women's independence and power in their careers and relationships."
But a blogger for Women 24 says there's a lot to dislike about National Cleavage Day, which the the writer says was created by companies, "to get free advertising and make more money by highlighting our insecurities."

Gotta love London. Sure they may not be too hot and still smoke like it's the '40's, but you've gotta love their commitment to public stripping in the face of both civil law and women's equality just to push sales on a lackluster spring collection. If you've got a nice pair, the last thing that fat, frumpy feminists want you to do is show them off. However, respectable men everywhere, especially those at WWCD, encourage and celebrate the very women's independence and power that make National Cleavage Day a true global treasure. I'm not saying Dallas chicks need to stop down traffic, but I would be disappointed if I go out today and didn't see any milky melons looking for little motorboating and sunshine.

Saginaw Broad Pulls Moldy Tampon from Snatch, Blames Anyone But Herself

I always knew gettin' up in a fat chick was a place no man wants to be, but I didn't think it was this bad. If I wanted to pull out with a new batch of mold spores on my wang I'd just have sex with the two-month-old leftover lasagna in the fridge. It would probably feel about the same, and I wouldn't have to apologize for finishing first again. I'll tell you one thing, there's no way this husband wasn't the whistle-blower here. With sex that brutal, you can only take so much moldy cock. This Danielle Parr cat did all she could do when a sneaky spouse hits up Craig Civale's voicemail about a renegade fungus flap, and poor Kotex was the easy fall guy. You can hate on Danielle's callous disregard for a little clambox cleanliness all you want, but you can't hate on her for making the all the right moves under pressure. It takes true dedication to the cause to shove every tampon up that toxic taco and wrap them right back up like it just came from the Dollar Tree. A real professional's professional.

Breaking News - WWCD reports that poor Craig had to go to Fort Worth the very next day to report on an apartment with nine dead dogs that is creating a stench for the neighbors. What the hell do you have to do to get the moldy tampon and dog dead stench assignments on back-to-back days? Must have lost the WFAA March Madness Brackets, cause I bet Shelly Slater somehow wins that damn thing every year. Surely he got caught yanking in the men's room, or at the very least called his program director's wife a whore. Really should have just resigned in disgrace, Civale.

Who Says You Can't Get Hooked on a Show After Waiting Until Season Five to Tune in for the First Time?

So for years I was pretty confident that only smug, middle-aged TV snobs liked Madmen. I also assumed they liked it only for the sake of saying they liked it before their equally smug friends showed up at the local free-trade coffee shop to say they liked it more. I don't give a shit about artistic aesthetics, moral ambiguity, cultural nostalgia, constraining social roles or whatever the hell the New Yorker probably talks about. Even still, I gave the Season Five premiere a shot without knowing a thing, but since probably not a whole lot goes on, I couldn't have missed a lot. Well, I now feel pretty foolish that this whole time I've been missing a show about a workplace full of suits who heavily day-drink, sexually harass their female co-workers, belittle minorities, remain emotionally absent from their family, and think they're kings of the town. Just replace suit with a Dirk T-shirt and golf shorts and if that's not the hallwys of WWCD then I don't know what is. Count me in for Madmen, and don't think I won't go back and watch the first four seasons. There's gotta be something I can learn from the true pro's if I wanna bang that new secretary.

Rangers Fans Should Expect Nothing Less Than the $26 Boomstick Champion Dog

SURPRISE, Ariz. - Can you imagine picking up a one-pound hot dog that's nearly two feet long, let alone eating the entire thing in one sitting?

Well, Texas Rangers fans can give it a try. For $26, fans at the new Captain Morgan Club in center field and at several concession stands at Rangers Ballpark in Arlington can attempt to clog arteries with not only the large dog, but a slew of toppings.
By the time you add shredded cheese, chili, sautéed onions and fries, the entire plate could weigh two pounds. And it's likely to add more than that to your waist line.

"I don't know how many calories are in this thing, but it's got to be 2,000 or 3,000," said Casey Rapp, operations manager for Sportsservice, which handles concessions at the park.

It's called the "Champion Dog" in the restaurant and served on a cutting board. The waiter or waitress can even cut it into smaller pieces to share with friends. At the concession stands, it's known as the "Boomstick," in honor of Nelson Cruz. And for fans purchasing it there, a hefty carrier complete with handles is made available so it can be transported to any seating area.

"We did a half-pound hot dog during the World Series and wanted to top it," Rapp said. "Our company had to have the hot dog made special and we had to find a local bakery to make the bun. The bun is like a loaf of bread just to hold this thing."

So sports and health blogs around the country are going nuts this week over this two-foot long dog your 2-time AL Champion Texas Rangers will start slingin' this year, like it's some big surprise or something. They just don't get it. That's what we do down here. We're winners. If it's NBA titles, AL pennants, St. Patrick's Day parades, or culinary length. This town will shove a big swingin' champion dog right in your face and get that trophy every time. Get outta here Boston, cause Titletown USA is due south, where that big D in Dallas means big dreams, big dongs, and big dogs every time.

Am I a Sucker for Thinking This College Basketball Silent Night Bit Is Kinda Cool?

First of all, I've been around the block a few times and I've never once heard of Taylor University, but it does seem like these kids are having a pretty kick ass time. Just full of crazy gimmicks like college kids do. I don't remember getting any Taylor U pamphlets in the mailbox in high school though. That being said, I'm a big fan of college basketball crowd gimmicks, like the greatness of the Aggies of Utah State. I've always thought that being completely quiet during a free throw would really freak out the shooter, but obviously being quiet hasn't brought a ton of notable titles to Taylor's trophy case since I hadn't heard of them. While I think it would be pretty tough to be quiet until your spare team finally hits ten points, I fully support acting like you just won the NCAA final on a Laettner catch-and-shoot during a completely arbitrary point in the game. Who needs to save costumes, flips, and toilet paper for the end of a game when you can just knock it out before halftime, bail, and get back to bangin' those Taylor broads like you brag about.

Even the Red-Headed Rifle Needs a Little Mavs Action

When you're the greatest quarterback* going, why not head back with the new wife to the area that loves you and take in a little defending champ action. Sure as hell can't do it in Cincy. While I usually commend the FSSW crew for picking out the Mavs' crowd hots, I guess it was rookie camera night, cause you had true talent one seat over and you just made the great Andy Dalton lean into the shot like some poser. Wifey better keep an eye on that friend though... sneaky eye over there is just waiting in the wings for a sweet taste of ginger.

* Ohio area only

Would You Buy Your Crystal Meth from This Ed Hardy Supermodel Drug Kingpin?

Look, there's a lotta skunk ice floatin' around out there, and gun to my head, I'm trusting the hot broad everytime. They've never lied to me before... "I promise I'm over 18," "of course my breasts are real," or "Your cock is so huge!" God made them honest because the fat, ugly ones have to lie. Sure I'm a little troubled by the junior high operation she's running, just dropping high-grade product in the mailbox like it's a wedding RSVP card. I said she was honest, not smart. And don't give me the Ed Hardy excuse either. If they paid me to hang out on the beach and take my picture I'd ditch this stupid blog and turn into Pauly D before you could hit the club and beat dat beat.

St. Patricks Weekend Means It's Time for Irish, the Drunks, and the No Fun Police to Go Nuts

DALLAS - Preparations are underway along upper and lower Greenville Avenue in Dallas today, where 20,000 people are expected to turn out for Saturday's annual Saint Patrick's Day Parade and block party afterward. Neighbors are already taking precautions to prevent parade-goers from parking in and blocking their narrow streets. Bob Deering spent Friday morning putting up nearly 100 signs in the front yards of homes off Greenville Avenue.
Richard Konkel told News 8 this is his second year living close to the parade route and after-party. Konkel said he is concerned about the large crowds and the parking issues that come with the celebration. He plans to stay close to home tomorrow to keep an eye on things.
Deering said he plans to do the same, describing his address as "Ground Zero" along the parade route. Deering says, so long as the police presence is strong and visible, he doesn't anticipate the problems that have plagued parade day in years past. Deering says it was common for parade goers to party late into the night, pass out in his yard or park in the street, blocking neighbors in.
Tomorrow's parade begins at 11 a.m. at Blackwell Street and Greenville Avenue, just south of Lover's Lane. It ends at Yale Street. The block party will begin later in the afternoon lower on Greenville Avenue near Vanderbilt and Vickery.

Every town's got 'em and every big event brings 'em outta the word-work... the prudes who you only see peering through their closed window blinds as you walk your dog, call the cops when the black UPS guy approaches, and seem to forget that they willingly chose to live mere feet away from not only loud, crowded bars, but the biggest annual block party the city has to offer. You get what you pay for, and once a year, you may have a few 23-year-olds park their Civic in front of your house for a few hours, shout a few racist remarks, and piss on your tulips. Just get the F outta the house for like half a day and be cool for once in your life. I mean can you believe this Richard Konkel pussy? "There were some incidents... I'm not sure... it was something... I think someone was injured." Hey Dick, that's your whole play? Just because you didn't have any friends to go out with and you tripped over your sex doll doesn't mean your neighbors were raped and vomited on.

By the Way - How about Cynthia Vega rockin' the half-catcher's stance like a beast. It may be a fluff piece in the third segment of the midday local news, but don't think she's not gunnin' for that primetime seat today before poundin' that green beer tomorrow like a pro.

Time to Pack It Up and Start Over: Balch Springs Has Discovered Uptown

DALLAS - An off-duty Balch Springs firefighter was arrested after a fight outside an Uptown bar early Tuesday morning. Two officers were in a parking lot in the 2500 block of McKinney Avenue, investigating an unrelated stabbing nearby, when they reported seeing Chase Crawford punch a bar employee twice in the face about 2:30 a.m.
Crawford, 24 and a Balch Springs firefighter since 2007, was pulled off the man by witnesses and held down by the officers, who later booked him into Dallas County jail on a charge of misdemeanor assault.

So I'm gone for a few days inhaling Corona's and Cubans on a Mexican beach like they have the cure for writer's block, and now the Meth-heads have invaded our precious McKinney Avenue like the Tobacco Superstore on a tax holiday. I never thought I'd see the day. There's a reason why drinks cost double, you have to valet, and the girls ignore you, Chase, because we don't want anyone from Hutchins to Sunnyvale arguing with the bartenders about not having Milwaukee's Best on tap or Tracy Lawrence on the speakers. This is what happens when you don't just go to Chili's for your birthday. People get hurt, and you're the one in the back of a squad car in beer-soaked jorts and a ripped Kurt Busch T-shirt.

Are Gambling and Infidelity Legal in Mexico These Days?

So after crushing the last fiscal quarter, I'm taking the WWCD staff south of the border to Cabo over the weekend for an Ethics in Journalism Conference boondoggle, and I've gotta find out what I can get away with. First off, it's not cheating if you're in another country, right? What if your wife is eight months pregnant? Can you get Chlamydia from a purebred Mexican? I just know they seem to get pregnant from little more than eye contact. Anyway, just seems like anything goes down there, like Vegas, but with more tequila and murder, and less shotgun weddings and bottle service. Speaking of, can I just walk in a Mexican convenience store, pick up some Tecate, stoges, and knock-off ED pills, and bet on the Mavs, or is it strictly village soccer wagering? What's up with the conversion rate, is 10,000 pesos about right Friday vs the Kings? Will they have the lines on all the conference tourney games? Can I take my winnings in cocaine? Is this the road that leads to being dismembered and left in a remote jungle? Feel like I should have studied up a bit more than just the night before.

Abusive Frisco Ex-Husband Gets in First Punch Against Paralyzed Ex in the Assault Charge Game

FRISCO — Cinthia LaChance says she's been physically, verbally, and emotionally abused for years by her ex-husband. She finally came forward to report it. That's why she's stunned that she's the one police have arrested. LaChance can't stand by herself. She has to be helped into a vehicle. That’s because she had a stoke a few years ago when she was pregnant with her daughter. But even though that left her partially paralyzed, she is now accused of physically assaulting her ex-husband.
"He said that I hit him," LaChance said. "I was defending myself. He even broke my chair."
She said she called Frisco police last May because her ex-husband was violent. "He was shaking me, and I felt so scared that he could do something against me," LaChance said.
But her ex-husband told police LaChance was the aggressor.
A Frisco police report says LaChance became angry about the care of their infant child. The report states she attempted to pull a 42-inch plasma television off the dresser, and that she broke the backrest of her wheelchair by violently rocking it.
In the report, she is also accused her of pinching and biting her ex-husband. So a warrant was issued for her arrest. Almost a year later, on March 1, Cinthia LaChance was handcuffed and arrested by Frisco police.

No doubt Cinthia's life hasn't been a breeze after the whole paralyzing pregnancy and all, but all's fair in love and war. Bro knew when he signed the papers he'd be fighting an uphill battle in front of some softie judge and that he better come out swinging for the fences. The divorce game's tough enough out there for a playa, so he can't just wait on that hanging curve when you've probably got a heater headed towards your earhole. When you don't have the talent, you've gotta to rely on effort and determination. Setting the tone early with the ol' domestic violence table-turn may be deep in the playbook, but it lets everyone know you're in it to win it. Can't wait to see the next play here, cause you know it's a race to see who can get the infant kid, nosy neighbor or the prying post-partum nurse in their corner first. If I'm Cinthia I'm using the golden home-made jailhouse video faster than that wheelchair brake on a gentle slope. Get that jury eatin' right outta your hands. Alimony for days.