So What's Pat Green Been Up Too? How About Bringing West Village a New Backyard Bar and Concert Venue

DALLAS — A restaurant and bar with a backyard is opening at Lemmon Avenue and Central Expressway in West Village this spring. The new place will be called The Rustic and is owned in part by Texas country singer Pat Green. It may feel similar to Katy Trail Ice House in Uptown or The Foundry and Chicken Scratch in West Dallas: The Rustic is all about eating, drinking, and listening to music in a comfortable backyard, said owner Kyle Noonan.

"We did pull a lot of inspiration from the Texas Hill country," he said. The venue can seat 200 inside, 200 outside, or during concerts, 500-600 inside and 2,000 outside. Noonan said Stubb's in Austin is a good parallel in terms of size and space, though The Rustic won't confine itself just to country music.

The bar will have more than 40 beers on draft, most of which will be from Texas breweries.

Probably the first time in ten years I've thought, "Good job, Pat Green." Can't believe it took this long to fill the old Hank Haney driving range spot, and no question they paid a fortune for it. Just when you think West Village is starting to slip, with the departure of its biggest tenant, Borders, and the influx of the gay, they go and score with a Katy Ice House concept complete with live music, minus the guilt-inducing joggers. More tough news for House of Blues though, who will soon be the exclusive home of cheesedick cover bands for the suburban 40+ crowd and skater bands for the high schoolers.

Greenville Avenue St Patrick's Parade Sells Out to City, Hopefully Won't Have to Beg for Money

DALLAS - Around this time last year the beloved Greenville Avenue St. Patrick’s Day Parade was $40,000 short and in danger of being canceled till Mark Cuban cut a check. One year later, the parade that began rolling down Greenville in 1979 is no more, but in name only: As of today, it’s officially being rebranded as the Dallas St. Patrick’s Parade and Festival.
Desperados Mexican Restaurant’s Jake Levy, the parade’s organizer, says there won’t be any noticeable changes to parade-goers when it rolls down Greenville from, more or less, Park Lane to SMU Boulevard on March 16.

Let's get one thing straight. The Greenville Ave St Pat's Parade is the most fun non-sporting event in the state, hands down. What started as a pick-up truck parade of a handful of local businesses has evolved into 100,000 green-clad revelers who remain mostly oblivious to the hour-long procession of drunken bead-tossers. Since this region hasn't had Mardi Gras or big-time college football Saturdays, Dallas does this instead, for one glorious day. Without it, there are no silly postgame M Street house or block parties.

With that said, I'm a little relieved that, after the Greenville Avenue Area Business Association continually faced understandable logistical and financial troubles, it looks like it may get some reliable checkbooks behind it to solve problems like bathrooms, safety, etc. Selling out always comes with some hidden costs though, and it wouldn't surprise me one bit if those slimy city leaders enforce some new city drinking or crowd control codes to essentially kill it, or move it entirely. Anyone can go to Uptown to check out token hots, the deck park for hipsters, White Rock to trip-up marathoning yuppies, Lowest Greenville to high-five college dropouts, or Deep Ellum to laugh at burnouts. Greenville Avenue, on one Saturday morning a year, is where everyone is on the same keg-standing, pole-dancing, freakshow of a team. Hopefully Dallas can get something right this time.

Power Player Question, Vol. 1: How Many Cigar Cutters is Too Many?

The inaugural PPQ couldn't be a more important one for today's VIP. Every squid and their grandma has at least one cutter tucked behind their faded party napkins and dusty highballs, but what about the real tycoons? Obviously you've got one for travel, a go-to home cutter, and a back-up. Am I missing one? If I'm sitting at the back room at Javier's and this inevitably comes up, will I get laughed at with only three? I feel like it's right up there with comparing cocksize, horsepower, or models banged. You just can't come up short and expect a seat at the table next time, but I also don't wanna be some poser either. What's the play here?

It's Time to Finally Take the WWCD Patio Scene to the Next Level: Hottub Time

So the other day some bro says to me, "You know, you've got the raw power of a trained assassin with the world's biggest driver, can pair enviable size and stamina in the bedroom with hilarious wit in the office, is there anything you wish you had?" Even though I answered by condescendingly blowing cigar smoke in his face, it got me thinking. It was so easy all along. You can't be a baller without your own hottub. Can't do it. Not in this town. It's really an embarrassment that all this time I've been taking my mistresses to the cigar room or cabana house like some two-bit chump. No more. 2013 is a new year, and with our huge 4th quarter numbers, I can finally have my interns line my coke up on a spa rim like a respectable social drug user, and get a warm jet massage while an Avenu VIP hostess gives an underwhelming underwater beej. It's about time.

See, Kenyon Martin, This is Why You Can't Have Nice Things

 

 

All pictures from Trulia.com

 

DALWORTHINGTON GARDENS - The Bryan Adams High alum has put his mansion in Dalworthington Gardens on the market. The asking price: $5 million. The 15,000-square-foot “Mediterranean estate” (five beds, six baths) sits on 8.4 acres along Rush Creek, not far from Martin [Arlington] High. It features four bowling lanes, a 10-car garage, seven fireplaces, an immense pool  and, of course, a full basketball court.

Sure, everybody knows a brotha's gotta have marble, black-on-white color schemes, and bowling lanes in his crib, maybe even a few dolphins to class up the joint. Just one problem, unlike that birthday hooker, you can't just put it anywhere. K-Mart even grew up inside the loop and knew better. Shoulda known you can't throw a dart on a map and just expect to have a ballin' club. This thing could come complete with a maid that wakes you up every morning with bacon and a handjob and I'm still not going to Dalworthington Gardens for even a night. He got greedy, felt like he needed a few more fireplaces and toilets. It was more about him than it was about the team. Cannot play with 'em. Cannot win with 'em. Cannot coach with 'em. Can't do it. I want winners. I want people that wanna win.

Looks Like Johnny Football May Have Picked Just the Right Time to Break Up with the Girlfriend

What's better than winning college football's most prestigious trophy and nailing that smokepiece? Try winning college football's most prestigious trophy and nailing numerous smokepieces. From the looks of her Twitter feed, which over the weekend had removed all photos of the Heisman winner and is instead featuring post-breakup Hallmark quotes, it doesn't look good for the First Couple of Aggieland. I just hope she doesn't think it was because of her wiping the floor with him at bowling. She should know the routine though. Every Heisman winner's allowed to upgrade girlfriends. It's on the trophy. Who'd you think that bronzed bro was giving the stiff arm to, a tackler? Please. That's why they couldn't give it to Klein. You can't go and get married beforehand like some chump. Only problem, Johnny, is that you better play this pretty carefully, cause when the NFL doesn't want you and all of the sudden you're Eric Crouch with a bigger nose and more troubling acne, that well of hot trim dries up faster than your coordinator skipping town. That's when you wind up desperate, drunk, and shirtless in a small town jail again, or Ryan Leaf.

UPDATE (1/16/13): Even though it doesn't really look like her, I guess true love may have prevailed, at least at a Clippers game.

WWCD Must Have Been Ineligible, Big Tex Tops Dallas' 2012 Google Search List

So Frontburner provided something moderately useful today and gave us a taste of what Dallasites are secretly Googling when no one's looking. Apparently they didn't want to embarrass themselves by including competing blogs. I get it. Keep swingin, D Magazine, eventually you'll be up here with the big swingin' D's like me. So...

1. Big Tex
2. Dallas Cowboys
3. Dallas Craigslist
4. Texas Rangers
5. Black Friday
6. Presidential Polls
7. Southern Methodist University
8. Dallas Mavericks
9. Studio Movie Grill
10. North Texas Tollway Authority

Besides leaving out such WWCD expose gems as pill-popping moms or bloody tampon attacks, there's unquestionably a few here that stink to high heavens. Look, D Mag, we all know your game. "Best Doctors," "Best Lawyers," "Best Tits," there's not a single list you churn out without a little quid quo pro. Not that there's anything wrong with shady deals, but let's at least call a spade a spade. You and I both can't prove that this heart doc is better than that one, and you sure as hell can't sit here and tell me that SMU and the Studio Movie Grill are in the top 10 most searched list. We all know it's tough times when you're featuring 6-6 football teams and over-priced popcorn, not to mention trying to push print magazines. Why not team up and talk about how popular you all are, right? I for one would just appreciate a little journalistic integrity for once. You can't just smugly sit there and tell me with a straight face that Rhonda Aikman or flax seed and blue corn tortillas weren't among the most googled in this town.

Looks Like I Need a 14 ft Stocking this Christmas, Santa, Cause I've Gotta Have This Long Driver

ARLINGTON - Michael Furrh is an Arlington golf pro who, according to his Facebook profile, splits his time between working in the pro shop at Rolling Hills Country Club, training caddies at Caddie Club Golf and swinging ridiculously long golf clubs.

Last week was Furrh's first, unofficial shot at the Guinness World Record for longest usable golf club. The mark was set in 2009 by a Dane, Karsten Maas, who drove a ball 134.5 yards using a 13-foot-5-inch club. As you can see in the video posted after the jump, Furrh bests both numbers, using a 14-foot-2.5-inch driver to hit the ball 144 yards down a Rolling Hills Fairway.

First off, yea I know it's been five weeks since WWCD has broken any anticipated groundbreaking news. After the election I had to fire the entire staff, fearing soaring payroll taxes and being forced to pick up their frivolous health insurance. The day I cover those entitled squids' birth control and genital rash creams is the day they pay for my lap dances and obscenely marked-up stoges. Since then I've had to fly solo to pay the bills, clean the bathrooms, and scoop stories until I can get this thing back in the air for good.

At any rate, if we can be honest for a second, I haven't been playing as much golf as one would expect from a mogul. I'm mainly waiting for the Brook Hollow membership to finalize so I can exclusively be around privileged, successful types like myself. Either way, if you can get one, there's no way you keep the 14 ft driver folded up in the bag on the very first hole. Sure it may have some stamina issues finishing at only 150, but when you steal honors and let this big dog eat, you're in your opponents' heads for the round. You know it, they know it, and that dimepiece cart girl knows it. Just no way you can act like a real man prancing up to the tee with your pussy 4 ft Taylor Made in that situation. She knows huge driver means huge cock every time, and probably even appreciates the limited stamina with the threatening size and all.