Real Talk: What Dude Still Uses Facebook?

CNBC - The power outage at Super Bowl 47 shined light on a growing issue for Facebook. Namely, its lack of relevancy during a live-event.
Super Bowl XLVII, the third most-watched program in television history, was accompanied by 52 national TV commercials, according to internet marketing site Marketing Land. Twitter was mentioned in 26 ads, or 50 percent, aired during CBS' game coverage. Facebook took home four mentions for eight percent.
Facebook and Twitter each received eight mentions out of a total of 59 national commercials during Super Bowl 46 in 2012, wrote Marketing Land. That means Twitter received more than two times as many mentions this year, while Facebook saw a 50 percent drop in big game ad mentions year-over-year.
Why are brands, who shelled out an average of $3.8 million per 30 second spot, shying away from a social network that has 1.06 billion users for a micro-blogging platform that has just 200 million users?
While Facebook may have an extreme edge over Twitter when it comes to the amount of monthly active users, advertisers want engagement on the platforms most inhabited during a live-event.
Facebook, which celebrated its nine year anniversary Monday, has multiple barriers to overcome if it would like to be real-time relevant.
1) Non-Chronological News Feed
In an effort to enhance user experience, Facebook will display interesting content to users upon sign-in. The news feed's algorithm, using several factors to determine top stories, ensures that its users have a pleasant experience in each visit to the site.
"The bigger Facebook gets the slower it becomes," Elimeliah said. "Facebook has been errant in the way it serves up stories. They choose what the Top Stories are rather than force you to look at what the recent stories are. It's antithetical to a live stream." Because Facebook utilizes a Top Posts format and doesn't give its users the ability to view Most Recent Posts in chronological order, users have no reason to live inside the platform in real-time; a visit to Facebook the next morning will produce the previous day's most engaging content.
2) Walled Garden
Although Facebook recently added Subscribe/Follow buttons to give users access to content from those they may not be friends with, the social networking site is mostly used to connect with friends and family members. This means an interesting thought posted to Facebook by a friend of a friend or someone on the other side of the world has little chance of ever appearing in your news feed.
Tweets, on the other hand, by default, are published to the world. Twitter users are encouraged to follow and connect with those that share their interests, while meeting in real life is not a prerequisite. Facebook's mostly closed garden approach — while useful to create an intimate social setting — is a massive real-time barrier.
3) Lack of Brevity
Have you ever watched a movie with someone who makes long-winded points? It's not pleasant. Since Facebook's platform allows for a status of up to 63,206 characters, users aren't exactly focused on keeping it concise.
While not all Facebook posts are paragraphs long, it's hard to consume a stream of content that may require you to take your eyes off the first screen (your television) for more than a few seconds at a time.
"Facebook is an investment in time," Elimeliah said. "The Timeline itself tells us that Facebook is for collecting and scrapbooking your life so that one day, maybe, you will look back on those fond memories."
On the flipside, "Twitter is real-time. The speed of Twitter is what keeps it true. You can't polish your posts because there is no time to polish the post. You have to think fast and think smart. It challenges the way we communicate and is as real-time as real-time can possibly get."
If viewers already struggle reading 140-character Tweets in the vicious cycle of repeatedly checking the TV and their phone, longer status updates stand no chance. Facebook has also fostered a platform where most users share personal experiences and life events, not evoked thoughts while watching a Super Bowl.
4) Competition
Twitter could possibly be Facebook's biggest real-time roadblock. Users and brands recognize Twitter's platform as the current go-to second-screen. Even with a user gap of 800 million between Facebook and Twitter, the latter is clearly the more convenient medium on a companion device.

Obviously some solid points here by CNBC. While I appreciate Facebook's innovation in certain social media areas, its irrelevancy grows with each passing day. Everybody knows that the only people who still use it are bored moms posting daily kid pics, grandparents who comment on those kid pics, and insecure narcissists who need their happy hour at Chili's or their cat's silly sweater validated with an endless parade of emotionally empty "likes." Anyone who has been paying a lick of attention lately knows that Twitter has clearly been where real business takes place. If you want the best, most concise, tailored, and cleanest timelime to follow during a big event like the Super Bowl, it's Twitter. It's not even Twitter that's kicking Facebook's ass either. If a chick wants to post a quality cleav shot, it's Instagram. Facebook's bread and butter, suburban housewives, have moved on to Pinterest. It's not 2006, and kids are hooking up much easier on Tinder. Even the gayballs are stalking on Grindr. So honestly, if you're a dude still on Facebook, wtf are you doing?

Plano Mom Shocked That Nipples Get Hard During Exercise, Sues Caring and Attentive Trainers

PLANO - Jamie Johnson is a mother of two. She was hoping to get back into an exercise routine, so she started going to the LA Fitness club near Coit Road and Bush Turnpike in Plano. She said her experience quickly soured after her two trainers allegedly made sexually explicit comments and put her through unusual exercises.
“The behavior of both trainers is reprehensible,” said attorney Chase Laws.
Johnson said one trainer put her through unusual exercises that she said exploited her.
“I would ask, 'Why this exercise?' or, 'Why are you standing there?' and he would bluntly say: 'So I can see your chest move,'” Johnson said.
She claims the trainer made sexually explicit statements on a daily basis. At one point, Johnson recalled the trainer saying: "I know you’re getting a good workout because your nipples are getting hard."
Johnson said she cried and left the gym and didn't return for months. She came back to LA Fitness only to have another trainer make similar comments and put her in other unusual exercises that she said exploited her body.
Johnson said the final straw was a text message that her five-year-old first opened. It read: “Do u suffer from hard nipple syndrome,” referring to her previous interaction with her first trainer.
Their petition shows the Johnsons are reporting roughly $2,800 in monetary losses. Jamie Johnson is seeking damages for lost wages, psychiatric care, out-of-pocket expenses, and lost earnings.

Sure, in the movies the trainers are all high-fivin' bro's and feelin' up trophy wives. To all the young, aspiring health professionals out there, let this serve as a lesson. The real world's all Jamie Johnsons... overweight, bitter housewives who don't understand the basic human responses to exercise. Should a respected trainer make it a little more clear in the initial consult how he gauges exercise intensity? Probably. Should every professional avoid texts that could serve as evidence? Absolutely. If you don't know that a couple of acorns can sneak into a sports bra after crushing a boot camp class, I think we all know that every exercise is "unusual," don't we Jamie.

Looks Like TCU's Offense Wasn't the Only Shit Left at Amon G Carter Late in the Season

FORT WORTH - A report from the Texas Commission of Environmental Quality indicates that thousands of gallons of sewage were accidentally funneled from a locker room adjacent to TCU's Amon G. Carter Stadium into a nearby drainage ditch during the past six months. The concrete ditch eventually runs through the Colonial Country Club area and into the Trinity River.

"The problem has been corrected, authorities have inspected the work, and there does not appear to have been harm to the water quality or eco-life," the university said in a statement.

The line problem has since been fixed, and the report states the City of Fort Worth's Environmental Services Division inspected the area in question and gave the all clear.

According to a report, during recent renovations a sewer line for a redone locker room was inadvertently attached to a storm line that runs underneath the field, which funnels into the channel behind the stadium. Initial estimates were that more than 20,000 gallons of sewage water could have been released, but the actual figure is less than half that, according to the state.

Students like Kimberly McCleary were surprised to hear about the mistake. "It's unbelievable," McCleary said.

I knew I smelled something a bit pungent while watching Boykin's offense stall out over the last two games like Dan Marino's marriage. I just thought every OU fan smelled like an over-flowing port-a-potty left out in a Texas summer. At any rate, guess it wouldn't be good for the Colonial if they had to scoop out 10,000 pounds of the last journey of Stansly Maponga's chicken strips from the Trinity. Maybe if they made Casey Pachall do it with only a flimsy bucket and weak gag reflex, then at least attendance could rival the Grambling game.

By the Way - Yea, I omit stuff from the original articles, but I didn't touch this student quote. Some crack reporter at Channel 8 went all the way to TCU for a story about shit, and literally came away with it. Stopped some freshman Elementary Ed major on the steps of Colby Hall (that's still there, right?), scribbled two words, and thought... "OK, that's good. Better get over to Blue Mesa before happy hour's over." Real A+ reporting.

When Jay Ratliff Gets a DWI, Do You Think He Looks Like He Knows He Perhaps Didn't Learn a Lesson?

 

GRAPEVINE — Veteran Dallas Cowboys nose tackle Jay Ratliff was arrested for suspicion of driving while intoxicated early Tuesday morning.

 

Grapevine police spokesman Sam Shemwell said Ratliff's black Ford F-150 pickup truck went out of control after sideswiping an 18-wheeler in the 2800 block of Highway 114 shortly after midnight.

 

Ratliff was not injured after crashing into a guardrail.

 

Hey, it's not like there was some recent, tragic death of a close co-worker that could have served as an ominous precaution of the dangers of drunk driving or anything. It's really the NFL's fault for not ensuring adequate player safety and accounta- Oh screw it. Whatever gives Jerry a good reason to ship this injury-prone expense is outta here works for me. Jerry's gotta be at Al Biernat's tonight bustin' out the latest Papa John's rap to a confused Johnny Football and Mike Modano at the mere thought of it.

So What's Pat Green Been Up Too? How About Bringing West Village a New Backyard Bar and Concert Venue

DALLAS — A restaurant and bar with a backyard is opening at Lemmon Avenue and Central Expressway in West Village this spring. The new place will be called The Rustic and is owned in part by Texas country singer Pat Green. It may feel similar to Katy Trail Ice House in Uptown or The Foundry and Chicken Scratch in West Dallas: The Rustic is all about eating, drinking, and listening to music in a comfortable backyard, said owner Kyle Noonan.

"We did pull a lot of inspiration from the Texas Hill country," he said. The venue can seat 200 inside, 200 outside, or during concerts, 500-600 inside and 2,000 outside. Noonan said Stubb's in Austin is a good parallel in terms of size and space, though The Rustic won't confine itself just to country music.

The bar will have more than 40 beers on draft, most of which will be from Texas breweries.

Probably the first time in ten years I've thought, "Good job, Pat Green." Can't believe it took this long to fill the old Hank Haney driving range spot, and no question they paid a fortune for it. Just when you think West Village is starting to slip, with the departure of its biggest tenant, Borders, and the influx of the gay, they go and score with a Katy Ice House concept complete with live music, minus the guilt-inducing joggers. More tough news for House of Blues though, who will soon be the exclusive home of cheesedick cover bands for the suburban 40+ crowd and skater bands for the high schoolers.

Greenville Avenue St Patrick's Parade Sells Out to City, Hopefully Won't Have to Beg for Money

DALLAS - Around this time last year the beloved Greenville Avenue St. Patrick’s Day Parade was $40,000 short and in danger of being canceled till Mark Cuban cut a check. One year later, the parade that began rolling down Greenville in 1979 is no more, but in name only: As of today, it’s officially being rebranded as the Dallas St. Patrick’s Parade and Festival.
Desperados Mexican Restaurant’s Jake Levy, the parade’s organizer, says there won’t be any noticeable changes to parade-goers when it rolls down Greenville from, more or less, Park Lane to SMU Boulevard on March 16.

Let's get one thing straight. The Greenville Ave St Pat's Parade is the most fun non-sporting event in the state, hands down. What started as a pick-up truck parade of a handful of local businesses has evolved into 100,000 green-clad revelers who remain mostly oblivious to the hour-long procession of drunken bead-tossers. Since this region hasn't had Mardi Gras or big-time college football Saturdays, Dallas does this instead, for one glorious day. Without it, there are no silly postgame M Street house or block parties.

With that said, I'm a little relieved that, after the Greenville Avenue Area Business Association continually faced understandable logistical and financial troubles, it looks like it may get some reliable checkbooks behind it to solve problems like bathrooms, safety, etc. Selling out always comes with some hidden costs though, and it wouldn't surprise me one bit if those slimy city leaders enforce some new city drinking or crowd control codes to essentially kill it, or move it entirely. Anyone can go to Uptown to check out token hots, the deck park for hipsters, White Rock to trip-up marathoning yuppies, Lowest Greenville to high-five college dropouts, or Deep Ellum to laugh at burnouts. Greenville Avenue, on one Saturday morning a year, is where everyone is on the same keg-standing, pole-dancing, freakshow of a team. Hopefully Dallas can get something right this time.

Power Player Question, Vol. 1: How Many Cigar Cutters is Too Many?

The inaugural PPQ couldn't be a more important one for today's VIP. Every squid and their grandma has at least one cutter tucked behind their faded party napkins and dusty highballs, but what about the real tycoons? Obviously you've got one for travel, a go-to home cutter, and a back-up. Am I missing one? If I'm sitting at the back room at Javier's and this inevitably comes up, will I get laughed at with only three? I feel like it's right up there with comparing cocksize, horsepower, or models banged. You just can't come up short and expect a seat at the table next time, but I also don't wanna be some poser either. What's the play here?

It's Time to Finally Take the WWCD Patio Scene to the Next Level: Hottub Time

So the other day some bro says to me, "You know, you've got the raw power of a trained assassin with the world's biggest driver, can pair enviable size and stamina in the bedroom with hilarious wit in the office, is there anything you wish you had?" Even though I answered by condescendingly blowing cigar smoke in his face, it got me thinking. It was so easy all along. You can't be a baller without your own hottub. Can't do it. Not in this town. It's really an embarrassment that all this time I've been taking my mistresses to the cigar room or cabana house like some two-bit chump. No more. 2013 is a new year, and with our huge 4th quarter numbers, I can finally have my interns line my coke up on a spa rim like a respectable social drug user, and get a warm jet massage while an Avenu VIP hostess gives an underwhelming underwater beej. It's about time.