Pilot Point Bro Has the Cheapest 700 Pound Bench Press Going

Can I just ask whatever happened to good old fashioned range of motion? No way those elbows sniffed 90 degrees. I mean, can't most gymbro's toss up at least 550 with the elbows over 110 degrees? If I would've known that if I packed on a little chest mass to cheat the system, I coulda rocked the weight room back in the day even more than I did. Everybody knows chicks would rather see a lean, chiseled blogger press a gentleman's 250 at an honest 60 degrees anyway. Plus, at least I can wear a sport coat and scratch my back.

How Crazy Is Mrs. Benefactor to Think that Wiz Khalifa's "Young, Wild, and Free" and Cults "Go Outside" Use the Same Beat?

So the other day I'm walking around the house whistling Cults classic, "Go Outside," looking about as hip as you do in your dreams. All of the sudden the wife asks me why I'm whistling that song from Saturday's post-parade Snoop concert. Naturally I tell her she's crazy to think that Snoop would play a relatively obscure indie pop song for a heavily medicated and sunburned, hip-hop classic-craving sea of green. Even her accompanying friend agreed with her. Same song, old man. I've listened to each one a dozen times now, but since I can't write music, I can't technically explain how they're not even close without losing my mind. I mean we're one dirty dish in the sink away from divorce over here, and I can't have the IRS digging their noses around the WWCD books after neglected alimony payments. What if I'm wrong, though? What if one did adopt part of the beat from another? What if my wife's musical ear was more perceptive than mine? Do I even want to live in this world? There's no way, right?

Mi Cocina Chicken Fajitas Run Circles Around Gloria's and It's Not Even Close

So when me and the Mrs. are playin' it casual, we do it Mexican-style. When we lived in the M Streets, it was the Greenville Gloria's. Loved it. Now it's the Lake Highlands Mi Cocina as routinely as most average Joe's go to McDonald's. I know they're both semi-chains who've sold out and moved to the 'burbs, but they're still good for a quality start night in and night out. Plus it helps that at MiCo I get the five-start treatment and the back booth reserved for blogging moguls. After a few years of plowing through more Mambo Taxi's and fajitas plates than Urban Spoon, I went back to the ol' Gloria's stompin' grounds Wednesday and got the usual. Lemme me tell you... wasn't even in the same ballpark. Love the Gloria's bean dip and happy hour prices, but what little chicken there was seemed both bland and oddly shaped, the rice had no kick, and the beans were as flat as a Matrix jumper. I don't need a mariachi band or anything, but I do need a little pizazz, a little showmanship, and Gloria's was a one-way ticket to Disappointment Town. MiCo ftw, but those Taxi's at $8 a pop sting when it's hasn't been a strong 1Q aroud here.

A Brand New Cubes-Jerry Grudge is Born: Emmy Nods

Game, set, statuette Cubes, right? I really don't see it any other way. I see your patented wink, Jerry, but you can't beat the classically-trained delivery, iconic smile, and melt-your-heart eyes of one of America's few true multi-talented pioneers. I know it's probably blasphemy, but I never watched Dallas. If I did, and I had Bobby Ewing sharing my mogul-sized TV screen with a couple of true Dallas hero's, that's it. TV is done. Everybody go home.

There's Over Two Dozen Billionaires Living in North Texas, So Who the Hell Are These People?

So Frontburner compiled a nice, clean chart of your friendly neighborhood billionaires, all from the latest Forbes issue. As sports fans, we all know a few of the usual suspects, and educated, connected Dallasites like myself are quite familiar with many more. But what about the mouth-breathing D/FW simpleton who may know little else outside of the Twin Peaks happy hour specials, how much Romo sucks, and the playlist of 97.1 FM? WWCD is here to help you. Yes, you.

#16 (world rank)- Alice Walton, $26.3 billion
One of Sam Walton's four kids, and the second-richest American woman. While her sprawling ranch is near Mineral Wells, she'd rather spend her time driving drunk in Weatherford, cause what else are you gonna do?

How Much Should Ranger Fans Worry About Elvis Andrus' New Tattoo?

SURPRISE - Shortstop Elvis Andrus was scratched from the Texas Rangers’ lineup for Thursday’s game against Cleveland because of a novel ailment: post-tattoo sensitivity. Andrus has new body art on the upper left arm featuring a likeness of his late father. The elaborate needle work caused sensitivity in the biceps area.
Andrus will leave the club on Saturday to join Team Venezuela in its preparations for the World Baseball Classic. If Venezuela were to reach the title game, Andrus would be out of camp until March 20.

Gotta respect the balls on Elvis to roll with the ol' "post-tattoo sensitivity" on the official injury report. Everybody makes up spring injuries to make that tee time, but the day E plays golf is the day I play hockey. I feel like we need to know what these low-rent Dominicans are in such a hurry to get to. Throwin' dice in the equipment shed? Cactus League cockfighting ring? For the fans, Elvis. For the fans.

More importantly, we all know that when Elvis' contract is up after the 2014 season, baseball people say he could be a $100+ million man. Is the kind of bro who uses his arm as a permanent family photo album someone you want to give $100 million dollars to? We did just let Ham-bone walk, right? This is baseball, not prison or the NBA. More importantly, this is Dallas, not some backwoods, small market outpost. If you wanna keep bangin' that broad with a smoker's cough and Cesarean scar in the Sherlocks' bathroom til you're 40, be my guest. Just know that you're probably not gonna find a place on my team.

Looks Like Spearmint Rhino's Days in Dallas May be Numbered

 

  

DALLAS - A Dallas jury has awarded $10.5 million to the family of a woman who was killed when she was run over outside a topless club in 2011. The woman, 23-year-old Kasey McKenzie, was crushed under the wheels of a ‘monster truck’ driven by Eric Brent Crutchfield, a patron who had been drinking heavily at the Spearmint Rhino Gentlemen’s Club near Walnut Hill Lane and the Stemmons Freeway.
The verdict against the club came in the trial of a civil suit alleging that employees of the Spearmint Rhino continued to serve drinks to Crutchfield over a period three or four hours, “even though it was or should have been apparent … that Crutchfield was intoxicated to the extent that he presented a clear danger to himself and others.” Crutchfield ran over McKenzie in the parking lot of the strip club as he was leaving around 2 a.m. on March 17, 2011. According to the lawsuit, his blood alcohol content was about twice the legal limit. He told investigators that he had no idea he’d hit anyone.
Under the so-called ‘dram shop’ doctrine, bars, restaurants, liquor stores, and other establishments can be held held liable if they serve alcohol to customers who are clearly intoxicated. A spokesperson for The Schmidt Firm said the $10.5 million jury award was believed to be the biggest dram shop verdict in Dallas County in recent history.

There's not many regrets I keep. Among them, not jumping into the hottub scene sooner, not partying with DJ Mbenga, and not getting the midgets to play football at the WWCD shareholders' meeting. Sneaking up that list may soon be my absence at one of our finer adult entertainment establishments. Unless they appeal this monster, $10 mil is gonna make it pretty tough for these broads to keep their doors open, so to speak. Sure, among the topless joints, the Lodge may be the best, the Clubhouse may be the creepiest, and Jaguars may be the most adulterous, but least I can say I've checked them off my list. I'd say it would be downright criminal if I never got the chance to motorboat some of the more legit sets in the game. Chalk this up to the pitfalls of micro-managing a successful business, I guess. Just can't get away like I used to.

Gyrating Teens Terrorizing Highland Park Village One Harlem Shake at a Time

I don't exactly go out and look for ways to publicize annoying high school kids, but sometimes you've gotta give credit where credit is do. A flash mob of modern-day Village People violently pulsating hips in the face of innocent produce-purchasing senior citizens at Tom Thumb and Mambo Taxi-sipping cougars at Mi Cocina gets the job done for a Wednesday. I'm sure I'm not nearly as happy if they knocked my sunset enchiladas into my lap though.

UPDATE (2/18/13): Little did I realize how nauseatingly overdone this meme would quickly become. Either way, post still stands. You get it done first, you win... like sex.