KISS-FM's Share of Reality Show-Watching, Auto-Tuned-Pop-Listening Fat Chicks In Danger: Khloe's Got Her Mouth on a New, Big, Black Mic

DALLAS - Khloé Kardashian will be Dallas' newest radio star, according to a release from MIX 102.9 KDMX-FM. Clear Channel Media and MIX 102.9 – KDMX-FM announced that she will be the newest member of their on-air staff in a show called "The Mix Up with Khloé Kardashian Odom." It'll air on MIX 102.9 daily from 12 to 1 p.m. CST starting Monday, January 30.
The release describes the Mix Up as a daily, one-hour, commercial-free show where Khloé will take requests, chat with her celebrity friends, and more during the Mavericks' season while she's in Dallas with her husband Lamar Odom.
Khloe has experience behind the microphone: In 2009, she had a similar noonday show on Miami's Y100 called "Khloé After Dark," and has done temporary stints at 104.3 MYfm in Los Angeles.

That's right, ladies. Damnit! Stop Facebooking about how heavenly the Golden Corral chocolate fountain is when I'm talking to you! OK. Yes, the natural beauty Khloe Kardashian Snuffaluffagus Odom finally found a an appropriate platform to accentuate her true talents, and it doesn't involve baking or feigning exercise. I don't know what drivel is spewing out of 106.1 weekdays from 12-1pm, but they better step there game by February. Not just anybody can play a rotation of the same 13 songs and talk about how their jeans don't fit. Not in this town.

Mario Lopez Recently Spotted at a Dallas Boys and Girls Club; WWCD Local Content Writers Fired

DALLAS - There are events in every respected journalist's career that keep him up nights, longing for a front row seat to history, then hand-crafting a story that can make his readers think they were there. When AC Slater shows up in our backyard to play foosball with some under-loved minorities, you, the reader, should expect WWCD to be first on the scene, ready to ask the hard-hitting questions you NEED to know... How big of a D-bag was Zack? There's no way Jesse was addicted to those pills for just one episode, right? How upset were you that the writers didn't have you take your shirt off for every episode? You ever get a taste of Lisa's chocolate? Guess we'll never know. It's a tough day for the the staff here at WWCD, especially for the ones who got beat out by the Advocate on the story, and are now back to flipping fries at Burger House. I just can't be everywhere all the time. My notepad, recorder, and I were following Chloe and Lamar around town all month, all for this. You don't screw around with Slater. I know it, the readers know it, and Zack knows it.

Am I Too Old to Go to an Electro-House Concert?

So this Friday night the great Avicii comes to the Palladium... the same Avicii I snuck into an unrelated post some time ago to lay a little groundwork. First off, I'm pretty sure no one over 30 should be going to a full-blown rave. Just seems like it's either some time in prison for soliciting a minor for unwarranted sexual advances and cheap ecstasy, or creepily standing in the back corner while kids ask if you're a narc. Nothing in between. I get that. However, what about just a simple house concert? Is that OK? I know the dudes are straight outta the D-bag catalogue, but you can't argue that it may be the strongest young female talent show per capita of anything else going. Just 18-24 year old smokehouses making a public mockery of clothing and modesty who want only to take recreational drugs, let those still-perky, vibrant squeeze-bags bounce and jump around, and grind on some cock. Something tells me I could still throw on my white V-neck T, find some purple sunglasses, borrow a little designer hair product, pound a few Red Bull Vodkas, and fist-pump the night away on Levels like I'm on the Jersey Shore. Just lead those co-eds to my pants like a dog to a bone. There's no question I have the ability, it's just a question of gamesmanship, really. Don't wanna be the stubborn veteran who doesn't know when to hang up the cleats, so just need a little help on this one.

Racist Horse Doesn't Want Any Part of Dallas' Damn Civil Rights Celebrations

I can't stay mad at this horse. Just wavin' that rebel flag and stickin' it to the man til the South rises again. You think you can just throw this ol' boy in your urban, left-wing pride march and try to make him believe that he's being led out to stud or to Northpark to watch Warhorse? What did this "Doctor" King ever do for this nation's equine anyway? You can't blame him for a second. Hell, on a day as big as MLK's birthday, the community's gotta play it up to their strengths. Horses isn't one of them. Never has been. It's like the Kings of Comedy came to town and they planned a vegetarian swim party. Nothing good can come of it.

By the Way - Is this sista kidding me with the stretcher and hospital bit? Worst case, she twisted an ankle. These people died for your civil rights, remember? Let's try to walk it off, if just for today, instead of milking their legacy to turn a sprain into a personal injury lawsuit against the city and perpetuating the very cultural stereotypes you are all trying to fight. I mean, I didn't get my mail today.

D Magazine Pretty Much Says TCU Kicks Ass

We all know that TCU football's meteoric rise over the last decade has been nothing short of storybook. The Frogs have grown into the envy of every struggling, mid-major, Little Engine That Could across the football landscape. Excerpts from D CEO recently pointed out their specific greatness, as well as their financially optimistic future...

-In five years, TCU more than doubled its athletics budget, from $21 million per annum to $52 million.

-TCU will eventually bank $17 million a year from Big 12 TV contracts, up from less than $2 million as a member of the Mountain West Conference, according to published estimates. That gives TCU a chance to actually run a surplus on sports, even as it beefs up the program.

-TCU Chancellor Victor Boschini says that he absolutely believes that sports paid off big. They created enthusiasm and pride, and elevated the campus experience—intangibles that were his primary goals. As for metrics, he says the number of applicants to TCU increased from almost 8,700 to 19,000 in the past five years, with higher SAT scores. And how about this: Cash gifts and pledges from donors grew from nearly $53 million per year to $125 million, he says.

-The TV contract alone is a home run. Bigger gate receipts will also come from bigger crowds in Fort Worth, Austin, Norman, and Lubbock. The exposure from nationally televised games allows for more brand building and merchandise sales, too.

-In the Mountain West, where TCU currently competes, the median school contribution was nearly $30,000 per athlete in 2008. In the Big 12, the median supplement was $6,700, the commission says.

-Southern Methodist University lobbied to get into the Big 12 last fall, but its football program hasn’t performed like TCU’s. In 2004, both were in about the same place. SMU actually spent $1.5 million more on athletics than its Fort Worth rival, according to filings with the U.S. Department of Education.

-Five years later, SMU had increased its budget by 59 percent, yet TCU was leaving it in the dust. In 2009, TCU outspent SMU by more than $16 million.

Game, set, match, Frogs.

Forget Those DART Warnings, Get On Your Loose Sweatpants, Big Jacket, and Dark Shades, and Take a Ride on the Fun Train

Riders Shocked by Sex Act on DART Train: MyFoxDFW.com

DALLAS - A North Texas man has filed a complaint with Dallas Area Rapid Transit about what he says he and his granddaughter were exposed to on a train. Last month Rickey Peterson and his 5-year-old granddaughter took the train to the VA hospital. During the afternoon ride they saw a woman on her knees performing a sex act on a man in the seat across the isle.
Peterson said he was so angry he went back to his original seat, pulled out his cell phone and started recording video. He said he wanted to say something to the couple but restrained himself.
“I didn’t pay to get on a train and witness that type of porno,” he said.

I feel ya, Rickey. I don't ride the DART and expect to "witness that type of porno" either. I'm usually already looking at it on my phone anyway. Too bad the granddaughter was there and all, but if this is the new entertainment on our light rail, then call it Adults Only and sign me right up for that monthly pass and the customer satisfaction survey. What a better way to get from Garland to Lancaster than kicking your feet up and gettin' a nice hummer from LaFawnda amongst the common folk? No way I'm driving all the way to the AAC and paying to park like a chump when I can get a little early action before tip-off. Just hit that bench seat like it's the back of the high school youth group bus and go to work.

Beware the DART Seats This Week After a No-Pants Sunday

Do these freakshows fail so miserably at not calling enough attention to themselves during the week that they have to spread crotch rash all over modest public seating? That blonde ass at the :51 mark can sit on my lap on the 11:45am Red Line to Mockingbird Station any day though. Either way, it's bad enough that they have to expose innocent bystanders and fellow passengers to pasty, hipster thighs, mid-winter shrinkage and misguided social enthusiasm, but to do it on Tebow's Day? For shame. Keep Austin weird, not Dallas.

Cubes Bans Anything Anti-Kardashian at Mavs-Suns Game, Later Publicly Supports the Terrorists

DALLAS - “Mark wanted to make them feel at home. They were both treated like rockstars,” our source reveals. “They were given anything they desired and the organization wanted them to feel respected and more loved than in LA.”
So guess what Mark told his staff!
“The staff were told that if there was any type of anti-Kardashian sign or chant that the fans would be reprimanded, removed and the signs taken away,” the source continues. “Luckily the visit went off without a hitch!”

Well, at least most Hollywood celeb web sites are written by over-caffeinated 17-year-old girls, so my readers should comfortable this time. But more to the point at hand, this is America isn't it? Cause going to a Mavs game these days is kinda like visiting China or Cuba and publicly expressing mild displeasure at their system of governing. You'd think that Cuban of all people would remember that a substantial part of the fan experience is expressing displeasure. Have a little dignity. Let that smog-pit out west kiss their fat asses and at least let us pretend like we are better than this. We're the ones who have to suffer when they put on cowboy hats and ride electric bulls like it's a black rapper's cock for the entire next reality show. What the hell is it all for anyway? Everybody knows Odom's done after this year, and he and those fug whores will be back in LA for good, makin sex tapes and eatin bear claws like you read about.

Rangers Brass Showing Yu Darvish the Sights of Arlington, Shortly Before He Heads Back Home Never to Return to America Again

ARLINGTON - Japanese pitcher Yu Darvish and his father are in Arlington to take his first look at the area and get a better sense of the Texas Rangers organization. Rangers general manager Jon Daniels confirmed Darvish was in town following reports in the Japanese media that emerged Tuesday. But that does not mean an agreement is imminent. Darvish likely wants to take a look around and then let his agents, Arn Tellem and Don Nomura, meet in more detail with the Rangers before the exclusive 30-day negotiating window closes at 4 p.m. on Jan. 18.

Well, that settles it. Of all the amateur stunts JD has pulled, this has to be the worst. It's tough enough to get pitchers in this park with the jet stream and 100+ temps, but now we have the chance to sign the Asian Assassin and brain-child thinks hangin out in A-town is gonna close the deal? Lunch at the Hooters on Collins, an afternoon at Holiday in the Park and the Runaway Mine Train, tour of Jerry World, then back to Collins to Sherlock's for a Creed cover band and finest of Mansfield milfs to help sign on the dotted line? Listen Daniel's, this clown is LeBron + Bieber over there. He's used to feasting on gold-dusted sashimi served from trained panda's, with Japanima-porn on the big screens and Lucy Lui tonguing his taint. This is like Cubes taking Lamar and Chloe to Mesquite and lettin 'em go crazy at Razzoo's and the Town East Mall. Never going to win a ring like this, just another pennant.