The Five Most Ready-to-Bang Women at the Byron Nelson Championship

As a Dallas tradition is once again upon us, we examine the action outside the ropes. While the fairways and greens are in fine shape, the trim is in championship condition and ready to get a 19th hole stuffed.

5. The Wife

Doesn't wanna be here and doesn't care who knows it. She's put in the time, got the ring, and if she has to leave the villa for five minutes you're sleeping on the couch. God forbid you ask her to head out past 2 or 17 on foot, graphite is your only shaft getting action until Labor Day.

4. The College Chick

Vaguely aware of what the Nelson is all about, and only there because her dad's office had extra tickets, the college co-ed is a fickle patron. Initially excited, but can't understand why the bro's she's with want to stroll around in 95 degree heat when she's in platform heels. If you can get in and get out relatively quickly, you've got a shot to reach these well-manicured greens. Anything more than an hour and a half and you've let a fresh sun dress get irritable while you're home alone, pants-down in front of the computer again.

3. The Post-college Girlfriend

A real trooper. Old enough to understand the significance of the event, but young enough to still show some hustle. Will gladly walk 18, share your criticisms of Dustin Johnson's short game, and may tell you you're hotter than Adam Scott. Is probably also a Rangers fan and will show some real conviction when giving head. Should be taken full advantage of, but after a full effort on a hot Las Colinas day, both performance and hygiene could be dicey.

2. WAG's

Paulina

Obviously for purposes of this study we're referring to only the young and childless PGA wives and girlfriends, where the only listed occupation is to work out, look hot, and bang on command. That's it. If you're fortunate, you can catch them at the Four Seasons pool, or at the very least, stalk them as they strut about the course in their yoga pants and self-assurance. They know they're the hottest chicks on the course at any given moment, but also know that with each tourney win, the dreaded upgrade is always around the corner. Willing to do anything just to survive.

1. The Classic Cougar


A lot of jokes are made at the innocent, fun-loving, 40+ divorcée, but when it comes to the Nelson, it's all business. The kids are at grandma's for the weekend, the skin has been tanned a into fine leather, the $9 rita's are flowing, and the place is crawling with corporate exec's ready to play from the rough. This isn't another night at the Plano Sambuca here. This could literally make or break the summer season. Bag a whale, and you're set with a summer vacation home on the coast. At the very minimum, the cougar should at least get a night of free cranberry vodkas at Cool River Café before testing out the back seat of a leased BMW 3 Series.