The Top Five Hate-Bangs in DFW Sports History

Plenty of broads have stormed through D/FW managing to incite mixed emotions amongst the more fervent local sports fans. Many have effortlessly teased a forgotten libido during the drama of a crucial game. Others have further enticed the jersey-wearing simpleton to curse empty threats at an innocent television, pleading for a tangible scapegoat. Some talented temptresses have accomplished both, leaving sexual frustration, confused fan allegiances, and general devastation in their wake like shattered souvenir bats and hastily-opened condom wrappers. These five we won't soon forget:

5. Toni Braxton

In case your forgot the story, the popular '90's soul singer never denied abandoning a potential date with Jason Kidd and leaving the Atlanta-area Mavs team hotel with Jim Jackson instead. Even though Kidd said he had never met her, and Jackson denied her causing a rift, Kidd later demanded a trade and was shipped to the Suns, and Jackson too was gone months later. The championship banners the Three J's were going to bring to Cowboys town would be merely another sad love song.

Hate Rating: 3 out of 10

Since Dallas was too busy winning Super Bowls to care too much about the Mavs, and since it's all mostly speculation, you can't put her too high.

Bang Rating: 6 out of 10

Unbreak my heart any day, Toni. Girl had it goin' on back in the day, plus I still need my chocolate cherry popped.

4. Khloe Kardashian

I know you can't totally blame the ugly duckling Kardashian for her husband's near destruction of a reigning NBA champion, but a true Texas girl would have called him the pussy that he is instead of coddling his every whimper. It wasn't even her who deserved so much of the ire, but the endless parade of sycophants starving for E Network's attention. Firmly on the list though, if only for perpetuating the same tired Dallas stereotypes on a show that I hate myself for watching.

Hate Rating: 7 of 10

Just too many factors going against her to be any lower than a hard 7.

Bang Rating: 4 out of 10

Still a Kardashian, so would be a fine conversation-piece conquest, but as a Kardashian, gettin' inside the paint and drivin' that lane would pretty much be like banging the ocean for me.

3. Amber Leigh Hartman

Bit of a late entry, but Ranger fans everywhere can't just sit down, watch a game, and wonder just how this blonde stereotype convinced her Southlake family to spoil her with the tickets that most fans can't even sniff. Yes, we know you write riveting pieces on some Cowboys blog no one knows about, presumably about Felix Jones' favorite ice cream flavors or the Witten family's dogs. I'm sure you can name like, seven Rangers, and you even painted your nails with Ranger colors for the playoffs, but no one needs to see you face down on Facebook every other pitch.

Hate Rating: 6 out of 10.

Can't say I wouldn't play the game much different if I were her.

Bang Rating: 7 out of 10.

Got a little national cred, but that blonde biology lab skeleton could use a Boomstick dog or two. Plus, as disinterested as she is sitting front row at a pro baseball game, I'm not sure she would have the interest between the sheets either, and doing all the work just isn't my game.

2. Jessica Simpson

Knee-jerk Cowboys' fans rarely need more reasons to bash their best quarterback since the Great #8. When Romo's throwing picks and an insufferable pink #9 is happily bouncing away in a Texas Stadium suite, America's most popular bimbo becomes an easy scapegoat for a 9-7 season.

Hate Rating: 3 out of 10

I'm not one of those fans. Sure she was annoying as hell, but neither she, nor Tony, are in the top ten of the 'Boys' biggest problems.

Bang Rating: 10 out of 10

Still one of the game's greatest in her prime, and more power to Tony for hittin' and quittin' on the cusp of her swift downfall.

1. Crystal Taylor

It hasn't always been banners and rings for your Dallas Mavericks. Year after year of heartache saw the Mavs knock off the hated Spurs in the '08-'09 opening round, only to face the explosive news that Dirk's fiance was actually a con-artist and wanted criminal. While Lamar would have emotionally crumbled like a 14-year-old girl who lost her Hunger Games premiere ticket, Dirk and the boys put up a tough fight, but eventually lost to Denver in four of five games. Taylor would become the scapegoat that an entire town could rally around while wondering if the Mavs could ever rebound from the '06 Finals meltdown.

Hate Rating: 10 out of 10

Really nothing to like about this salty slut, especially after playing the pregnancy scare card while in prison. You can't pick on a city's hero, not in the playoffs.

Bang Rating: 7 out of 10

Absolutely has to be a freak in the sack, and no telling how cock-craved she is after a little time in the slammer. If it's good for @swish41, it's good for me.