Booty-Shake It Right Into the New Year

NYE time, kiddo's. Time to shake it like you got it, then find that single, homely chick around midnight and start 2012 off with the familiar guilt, shame, and burning sensation when urinating that accompanies the start of every other year.

Mavs Slay the Veloci-Raptors, Primed for Another Championship Run

Ian Mahinmi droppin' a team-high 19 like it ain't no thang and goin' hard in the paint, ya'll know this! Everybody knows this teams starts slow and needs a couple run-thru's to get that championship swagger back, just had to let those feisty Thunder kids think they still have a chance first. Time to go 63-3 and raise another banner!

Vegas Karma Always Comes Back Around

After cashing in on college season win totals and closing the season like a ballin' Vegas wiseguy, this week is bending me over Sandusky-style, but without the sheepish grad assistant to walk in and awkwardly end it. Just when you think you're the talk of the town, that fickle, point spread mistress can push you right back down on your face before your 3-team teaser is even done.

How to Kill Any and All Street Cred at One Mediocre Bowl Game

Not the best look, Texas. Just offset any positive marketing during this Holiday snoozer. First your offense is as putrid as the Mavs interior D, now you come out with this soft game while your neighbors to the north at TCU keep stuffing hot screenshot ass right in America's face for another year? It's pretty rough when even the dirty hippies at Berkeley are pointing out how homely and overly-diverse your representation is. Plus you've gotten a brotha shot when he goes back home to east Texas. Everybody knows the front row is the money row, and the 'Horns aren't ever going to get back on top with plays like these. This falls right at the feet of Mack Brown.

Marriage: Still the Only Game Where Deion Sanders Can't Ball

Deion and ex #2, Pilar

TMZ has learned Deion Sanders has officially filed for divorce from his wife Pilar. In the documents, Deion states he and Pilar "ceased to live together as husband and wife" on Dec. 21, the date the petition for divorce was filed in Texas. Deion continues, "The marriage has become insupportable because of discord or conflict" ... which "prevents any reasonable expectation of reconciliation."

Deion announced his intentions to get divorced earlier this month -- claiming, "Pilar and I have decided to end our marriage and move on to the next phase of our individual lives with mutual respect." Deion and Pilar were married on May 21, 1999. They have 3 children together.

Interceptions, stolen bases, bass fishing, scootering? Ain't no thing for Primetime. Upholding marriage vows and not getting posterized by your ex's lawyers? Probably not making that Hall of Fame. We all remember Deion's first go-around... not so much the marriage part to Carolyn Chambers, but how she got his West Plano home with the gold "Primetime" driveway gates in the seperation. Hurts to lose that one, buddy. At least this latest beautiful union made it into the double digits. Too bad for Prime that a clause in their pre-nup says that her house must be at least half the value of his, and since his is an unsellable, $21 million, 29,000 sq. ft. Prosper behemoth, she may net a nice rebound. Guess she didn't just want to move into their penthouse Azure suite.

Deiondra (yea, really her name)

Since the holidays wouldn't be complete without a little family bickering, Deion's daughter, Deiondra (kinda hot leaked, topless pics of her here), said that Pilar was a terrible mom, wouldn't let her and Deion Jr see their step-siblings, and had basically been seperated from her dad for months, which goes against Pilar's sob story that this whole divorce thing was a surprise. Just like Prime to keep things entertaining. Who needs a semi-scripted reality show when the behind-the-scenes yet kinda-in-the-spotlight rumor mill is so much more interesting?

Who Would Go to Dallas City Hall and Wait in Line to See the Fat, Ugly Kardashian? Fat Ugly Chicks!

DALLAS - As one of her first public appearances in Dallas, Khloe Kardashian [is] hosting a toy drive at City Hall. Khloe will be signing autographs and taking photos with fans that bring a toy.

(Update) The line of people waiting to meet Khloe Kardashian wraps around City Hall. Some have been waiting since 9 a.m. and others drove up from Austin.

All this time I've been trying to figure out who could possibly give a shit about any of the Kardashians enough to waste an hour watching a TV show entirely about them, especially the show all about the one who looks like a cold, hungry walrus, or especially waiting outside in the cold to see what toys she'll eat. Hell, I didn't even know she had her own show until the Lamar-to-Dallas move and the accompanying media frenzy raped my innocent, carefree mind. Well, WWCD can finally confirm just who does give a shit, and it's no surprise, probably the same people who watch a lot a Food Network and CBS sitcoms...

Time for the Mavs to Re-Calibrate, The Sniper's Hanging Up the Rifle

Chandler? Was probably goin' to get hurt anyway. Caron? Made the run without him. JJ? Please. Nuts and bolts, you don't lose the Serbian Sniper and act like nothing happened. Dirk knows it. Cubes knows it. The new Kardashians in town know it. Sharp-shooter of our generation. Dynasty done. Trade Dirk for draft picks and blow this thing up. Countdown to Rangers season and another pennant starts now.

Goin' from bangin' 3's to bangin' D's in hot wife town though. Sneaky Yugoslav retiring like he's Secretariat put out to stud...

This Is What Happens When You Move to the 'Burbs

FRISCO - Tori Brown juggles taking care of the children and the household... all while nurturing her creative side. This multitasking led her to a unique invention. It all started when this proud mom wanted to show off photo cards of her children.
"It happened out of a need," she said. "I would put my photo cards along my mantel, and every time I would walk by they would fall down over and over again... it drove me crazy! So I thought I just want cute little easels to put straight across my mantel, and I couldn't find them anywhere, so I made my own."
Calling them "Cardigans," it was an idea that came right out of the cupboard
"I printed my first rounds two years ago this Christmas and gave them out for free to my friends and family," she said. "They went nuts over it, and they wanted more to give to their friends and family, and I made more and I said, 'Hmmm... maybe I can sell them instead of giving them away.'"

I've always heard some terrifying stories about what goes on north of the Bush Turnpike, but this is beyond my wildest nightmares. It's just a whole different world up there. First the annoying kids that no one cares about, then the pounds that everyone notices, then the sad result of a fragile mind driven crazy by boredom, retail and food chains, and too much time with five-year-olds. Look bitch, if you were actually five, people might actually care that you cut up cereal boxes to prop up pictures no one wants to see, but this is kinda mean on WFAA's part, pandering to her like some special needs go-getter for a feel-good evening story. If you've got that much time on your hands, how about sprinkling in some P90X or at least some family acting lessons for the next local newspiece. If I had this to come home to, you better believe I'm putting in 80 hours a week at the downtown branch, plowin' through TPS reports and busty, young secretaries like you read about.

Santa! Get Me This Seattle Pimp Suit!

Finally something to get Mrs. Benefactor off my ass over the endless barrage of gift ideas, plus my baby blue eyes would crush this combo. I'll take one baller special and a stocking full of $1's, please! Beats the hell outta socks and a sweater.

By the Way - Yes, I was watching a dog shit NFC West game. What else are you supposed to due on a Monday night other than tease the home favorite with the OVER and stay up all night being a winner?

Well, Being a Dallas Sports Fan Was Fun For a While There, Wasn't It?

I think the Rangers can certainly live to fight another day. It's just the bigger crotch-kick of our biggest rival and divisional threat getting our best pitcher and the best player in the game on the same day. However, the Mavs losing Caron, and mainly Chandler, has left me teetering over the edge of the sports cliff all afternoon thinking it might just be better to end it on a high note. Let's just live in the past for a while, OK?

D Magazine Needs to Stop Allowing Middle-Aged Gay Men to Choose Dallas' Most Beautiful

DALLAS - Could we be honest for a minute? I don't care if these broads volunteer at homeless shelters, save abused puppies, or how philanthropic they are with their husbands' money. You can't just walk into some random suburban private school benefit dinner, take a picture of the first ten moms, and tell me it's Dallas' Most Beautiful Women. If that's their approach though they ought to at least hit up J Blacks or Black Friar or something for some respectable random talent that could move those magazines off the shelves like you hear about. I've had it with some 40-year-old, queer magazine editor trying to convince honest, hard-working dudes that charity, personality, and tangible accomplishments mean something in this town. Show me a cover-story about hot, busty, semi-successful, local 20-somethings, and I'll show you an empty magazine rack every time.

At Least One Fort Worth Man Thinks Kiddie Porn is Worth Scaling Apartment Balconies For, Even If It Might End Horribly Wrong

 
FORT WORTH - Police responding Tuesday night to a report of a man scaling up an apartment balcony didn’t find a burglar but rather an apartment guest they believe had been viewing child pornography inside, officials say.
Sgt. Jim Thomson, supervisor of the crimes against children unit, said a man in another apartment building had called police about 10:45 p.m., reporting a possible burglary in progress, after seeing a man climbing up a balcony to a second-floor apartment in the 5400 block of Boca Canyon Drive.  
Thomson said officers eventually made contact with the apartment's resident, who came and let police inside to investigate. “Officers observed what they believed to possibly be child pornographic images on a computer screen inside the apartment,” Thomson said.
Trudell Mishiel Williams, a 25-year-old guest of the apartment resident, was arrested after he was found hiding inside a small cupboard under the sink in the apartment bathroom, Thomson said.

First off, what the hell is it lately with everyone diggin' little kids like they're the Victoria's Secret Angels in a naked pillow fight? I may be in the minority these days, but I happen to think kids are good for little else but being painfully annoying, smelling like shit, and slowly draining their parents' patience, bank account, and general happiness. Instead we've got ol' Sandusky setting up an entire foundation to use as his version of a minor league farm system, half of Hollywood diddling those brats in exchange for acting gigs, and now this bro going so far as to play Spiderman in the freezing cold just to catch some pre-pube, low-bandwidth action. Don't think I wouldn't do the same if Lima, Doutzen and the gang were up in that heavenly apartment with hope of sneaking a closer peek at an inner thigh, but when you're squeezed into a bathroom cabinet hiding between a toilet brush, Drano, and tears you've gotta wonder at what point the evening veered south.