The Cowboys Need This 335 lb. Episcopal School of Dallas Tackle/Cheerleader and They Needed Him Yesterday

DALLAS - While the Episcopal School of Dallas football Eagles toiled under the afternoon sun, 6-foot-3, 335-pound nose tackle Armand Fernandez-Pierre intently trained near the north end zone with his other team. The cheer squad. Seriously, 17-year-old senior Fernandez-Pierre is a football player/cheerleader and wholeheartedly dedicated to both pursuits.

He already was well-known at ESD among the college preparatory school’s 1,100 students (age 3 through 12th grade) and their parents, but now he’s a national celebrity. ABC came to the North Dallas campus Thursday to feature Fernandez-Pierre on World News With Diane Sawyer.

An eighth-grade football practice collision broke his neck and partially severed his spinal cord, leaving him hemiplegic for 10 months, paralyzed on the right side of his body.

He had spinal surgery. His single-parent mother, Cencelia Pierre, had to quit work to care for him. While the ESD community rallied around the Pierres, Amand was particularly inspired during his rehabilitation by Cowboys nose tackle Jay Ratliff.

Honestly, have you seen the 'Boys line play? It's sickening. I mean, Armand Fernandez-Pierre has been literally steamrolling private school 200 lb linemen like they're undersized private school linemen. Five star city with fresh dance moves and rich white girls for days. Only problem may be getting inspired by Ratliff. Gotta stay away from the bad seeds, unless you can sneak in and swindle his job right out from under his nose. Have to drop the hyphenated last name too, bro. People are gonna think you're gay or something.

Breaking Down the TCU Frogs 2013 Schedule, With WWCD's World Famous Early Line Estimates

The 2012 pre-season line estimates for TCU was no easy task. With a new conference, each line was a pretty big guess, especially in mid-August. Losing Pachall then rendered everything pretty useless. Even still, for the three officially lined games with Pachall, Vegas' cumulative point deviation from the actual spreads was 15 total points (-20 KU vs game actual -14, -18 UVA vs actual -20, -15 SMU vs actual -8). WWCD is proud to say that we were also 15 total points off (we had -20, -12, and -9 respectively). Again, those were pre-season guesses on our end versus week-by-week from Vegas. So basically this post should be one-stop shopping for all of your TCU betting info needs.

Before last year, many believed that TCU had a good chance to win its first eight games, and would be fortunate to split the final four. While they accomplished the latter, they lost three of their first four post-Pachall Big 12 games and went 4-5 in conference. That wasn't terrible considering only OU and Kansas St finished better than 5-4. The 2013 conference slate moves Texas and Oklahoma earlier in TCU's schedule for Iowa State and Baylor in November.

2012 Stats (#, Big 12 rank, National rank)
Offensive PPG: 28, 8th, 68th
Rush Yards/game: 152, 8th, 66th
Pass Yards/game: 236, 7th, 62nd
Defensive PPG Allowed: 22.6, 2nd (KSU), 30th
Rush Yards/game Allowed: 105, 1st, 10th
Pass Yards/game Allowed: 218, 4th, 42nd

The First Rule in the Sex Swing Theft Game is You Can't Run Over Your Leg With the Getaway Car

DALLAS - It started out as an ordinary transaction: A man walks into the Lyndon B. Johnson Freeway outpost of Sara's Secret just before 9 p.m. Wednesday and asks to see their selection of fetish swings. The employee goes and retrieves an available model and shows it to the customer, who seems impressed. He'll take it, he says, so long as they take plastic. Upon learning that they do, he says he'll just jog out to the car to fetch his credit card.

The customer, swing in hand, walked out the front door to a Nissan sedan where a woman was waiting in the driver's seat. But instead of getting his credit card and returning to complete the purchase, he hopped in the passenger's seat and prepared to drive off.

Before the couple could make it out of the parking lot, however, karma had its way. As the car began rolling, the man fell to the ground, where his leg was run over by the getaway vehicle. The police report doesn't detail how he managed to do this, just that he was able to pull himself rather quickly into the car, which made an escape on the eastbound LBJ service road.

There isn't a more amateur move in the book, really. Yea, everybody gets excited about the thought of hittin' up that bathtub crank and giving your Mesquite beauty queen the ride of her life, but act like you've been there before. You're not stealing some introductory vibrator here. This is the big leagues. You're probably not gonna figure out the directions to get it set up in time to use that night anyway. It's like getting that new 10-speed on Christmas morning that your parents didn't pay to have assembled. That excitement's soon lost in a pile of crumbled instructions, hand-me-down tools, cigarette butts, and expletives. Have a little pride and pay for your sex toys discreetly online like the rest of us.

Power Player Question, Vol. 2: Should I Move WWCD's Entire Operation to Dallas' New Executive Lounge or Just Use it for the Big Guns?

So next up in our ongoing series of elite discussions brings us to this new XL Executive Lounge on Knox and 75. Anything with "executive" and "lounge" is clearly a place for today's power players like yours truly, especially with these amenities. Multi-zoned co-working? Obviously you can't put the high-level executive bloggers in the same room as unpaid interns. Creative and Game Zone? I like to think I've spruced up our own digs a bit, but today's power exec is too busy to meet the entertainment whims of every low-level simpleton on his own. Adjacent Cafe with coffee, empanadas, salads, and more? Yea, we could definitely use some help with the office eatery. 24-Hour Access with key-fob entry? Every regional blogging tycoon knows 3am is the only decent time to clock in the quality posting, and I don't go through a door without a secured key-fob entry. Won't do it. My only question is if I should just permanently rent out a wing and show these faux exec's what mogul life is all about. Maybe I should just pay the ultra-premium rate to bring the high dollar clients in unannounced and commandeer any meeting room I want? That's gotta be an available package, right? We're Dallas executives here for crying out loud.

So Here's the Local Select Baseball Coach Who Was Arrested for Beaning a 15-year-old Over a Dozen Times

 

ELLIS COUNTY - A former Ellis County select league baseball coach was sentenced to 15 days in jail Tuesday for hurling at least 12 baseballs at a 15-year-old player at speeds of up to 80 miles an hour.
Ron Edgar Santos, Jr. was sentenced on Tuesday afternoon in Judge A. Gene Calvert, Jr.'s Ellis County courtroom. He'll spend 15 days in jail, pay a $500 fine, and be on community supervision for 18 months.
Santos was arrested in October 2012 for allegedly throwing between 12 and 15 "hard core baseballs" at a player who was struggling to stay in the batter's box, Ellis County Sheriff's Lt. James Saulter told News 8 then. Investigators could see baseball seams on the boy's body, as well as bruising and swelling on his arms, legs and back.
Santos defended the act to investigators as a "training technique."

I can appreciate tough love as much as the next abusive manager. I've lost count of the number of hot coffees I've thrown in the face of lazy interns after they blogged some three-day-old city hall snoozer. These entitled kids just don't listen. What I don't understand is why Ronny Santos was goin' head-huntin' when the kid WASN'T staying in the box. You think he's gonna step up now, Vicente Padilla? You couldn't pay me to crowd this bro's plate. Earhole city.

BY THE WAY - Speeds up to 80 mph means soft toss all day with a single sneaky heater to keep 'em on their toes. Walk it off, kid.

Screw the British, Dirk and Wife Announce Their Own Royal Offspring

DALLAS - Mavericks forward Dirk Nowitzki is a first-time father.
His team has confirmed that Jessica Olsson, the wife of the 2007 NBA MVP, has given birth to a daughter today, something reported by German newspaper Bild earlier in the day.
"I am proud to be a grandfather for the third time," Nowitzki's father, Jörg, told the paper. Nowitzki's sister, Silke, has two children.
The name has not been disclosed. Nowitzki and his wife were married in Dallas on July 20, 2012, in a quiet ceremony.

The big German just can't miss. Bangin' the bottom out of that open bucket with that high leg kick like it's his MVP year. Who says he's out of his prime? Sure diluting the Master race may upset the Motherland, but just wait twenty-two years when their women's national team is getting torched by an unguardable seven footer with a fadeaway jump shot as pure as their lineage. Brittney Griner better enjoy the precious few remaining years of her collegiate records.

FDA Doing It Big Per Usual, Bans Dallas Lab's Workout Secret's Jack3d and OxyElite Pro

DALLAS - USP Labs' Dallas headquarters doesn't actually look much like a laboratory. It's more of a nondescript warehouse in a sea of nondescript warehouses off Stemmons Freeway and Northwest Highway. That's where the company keeps its stock of its bodybuilding supplements for shipping to retailers like GNC or directly through its website.

One of its most popular products was Jack3d...
But Jack3d does more than boost workouts. It also allegedly kills people, most notably two soldiers who suffered fatal heart attacks during Army workouts after taking the product. That led the Defense Department to ban the product and others containing a compound called dimethylamylamine, or DMAA, from stores on its bases. Earlier this year, the Food and Drug Administration issued a public alert, warning consumers to steer clear of DMAA-containing products after confirming 86 reports of illness and death.

The agency has since been working with supplement companies to get DMAA off the shelves. According to a piece in The New York Times on Tuesday, USP Labs agreed to reformulate Jack3d and another product, OxyElite Pro, to make them DMAA free, which made the FDA happy. Then, it went about selling its remaining inventory of the product as usual, which did not.

Come on FDA, do you even lift, bro? Gym rats like me don't need some pencil-pushing government bureaucrat telling me what I can and can't eat, drink, snort, or inject to get that chiseled blogger's look like you read about. Whether its pushing that last bench set or crafting that hilarious, deadline-beating blog post, sometimes you just need a little nudge. Coffee, cocaine, topless interns, and innocent fat-burners that have only killed or injured a meager 86 amateurs are all in play if you want to remain a media tycoon in this town.

So Here's the Brother Who Was Arrested for Panhandling Naked, Showboating in South Dallas

Charles Lee Johnson

DALLAS - Johnson was back at Little World Food Store early this morning, once again asking passersby for money, only this time there was an important difference: He wasn't wearing any clothes.
It's unclear whether his nude panhandling was successful. Anyway, it wasn't long before a store employee called police and told them there was a naked man in the wheelchair harassing customers. A pair of police officers arrived and saw Johnson, who they note in a police report was indeed "on a wheelchair on the property panhandling."

It's a tough world for panhandlers just tryin' to make an honest living. Lurking cops, heckling teens, crippling shame, weak union benefits, you name it. As if I didn't need another reason not to toss my hard-earned blogging bucks into a sticky Slurpie cup though, whippin' out the ol' Black Mamba pretty much closes the deal. Doesn't matter how rich or successful some white dude is. If some crippled, homeless vagrant can just flash you and the wife the hog at a moment's notice, he knows he's cuckholded you. Better than a few crumpled singles, really. Emasculation city. You tell me every Wall Street Weinstein wouldn't trade places for one weekend just to have that kind of raw power.