It's Official: West Village Has Fully Come Out of the Closet

Let's be honest for a minute. For a few years now we've all been growing a little uncomfortable when waiting on a Blue Burger at Burger Bar, and forget getting a drink at Mi Cocina. Food's still fine and all, but it's just impossible not to notice the creeping influence of the Gay on what was once a pretty choice area for bro's looking to get their drink on before walking across the street to the Loon. Well, now I'm afraid our little old West Village has contracted the full-blown gay. They weren't happy taking over Cedar Springs like unassimilating Muslims in a progressive, over-tolerant Euro-state. Now they're bringing Halloween flash mobs outside Taco Diner while you're trying to sip your Mambo Taxi in relative hetero tranquility. If we're not careful, that stripper pole at the Lemon Bar is going to have the Indian chief from the Village People goin' Macho Man on it instead of the blonde heat you used to see when you walked in trying to get pregnant from it. Is there like a scent we can use as a repellent? What about a high-pitched whistle? Is that for gays or dogs? I don't even know anymore!