Rangers Finally Find Missing Ingredient to the '91 Season: Pumping the Oil Can Full of Cocaine

BOSTON – Former Red Sox pitcher Dennis “Oil Can” Boyd admitted on Wednesday that two-thirds of the time he was on the mound, he was under the influence of cocaine.
“Oh yeah, at every ballpark. There wasn’t one ballpark that I probably didn’t stay up all night, until four or five in the morning, and the same thing is still in your system,” Boyd told WBZ NewsRadio 1030’s Jonny Miller in Fort Myers, Fla. “It’s not like you have time to go do it while in the game, which I had done that.
“Some of the best games I’ve ever, ever pitched in the major leagues I stayed up all night; I’d say two-thirds of them,” said Boyd,  who spent eight of his 10 major league seasons with the Red Sox. “If I had went to bed, I would have won 150 ballgames in the time span that I played. I feel like my career was cut short for a lot of reasons, but I wasn’t doing anything that hundreds of ball players weren’t doing at the time; because that’s how I learned it.”
Boyd went 78-77 with 799 career strikeouts with the Red Sox, Expos and Rangers.

Some players need accountability coaches to prevent their lives from unraveling in a self-destructive binge of sex, drugs, and booze. Others need accountability coaches to make sure there's a briefcase full of nose candy in the right locker before and after every game to give'em that extra good ol' days boost. In their short history, the Rangers have failed at both. They can't keep Josh's libido or lips dry, and now we find out they let poor Oil Can pitch in 105 degree August heat without skiing down the Colombian powder? This type of failure starts at the top, and a team run by an early '90's George W should be ashamed of itself. The guy spend eight years in Boston blowing strikes by batters like C-dust off the heel of his glove. Straight dominant. Rangers pick him up mid-way through a competitive summer stretch, and Oil Can goes 1-7 with a 6.68 ERA. Rangers still finished 85-77, but finished 3rd. You sure can't pin it all on Bobby V. I feel like if you sign Oil Can, you should get the whole can, not just the water that sits at the bottom. You should get the dirty, processed gunk floating at the top too. That's where the real magic is, and obviously it didn't make it to A-town. Just makes that last missed strike in STL that much tougher.