Where We Finally Settle the Eternal Debate Over Whether or Not a Transgended Widow Is Entitled to Death Benefits

WHARTON, Texas – The transgender widow of a Wharton County firefighter appeared in court on Monday to appeal a judge’s ruling that her marriage was invalid. A judge recently ruled Nikki Araguz’s marriage to Captain Thomas Araguz was not valid because she was born a man, making her ineligible to receive $600,000 in her husband’s death benefits. Araguz has been fighting with the firefighter’s family over the benefits ever since his death in a blaze at a local egg farm last year. Thomas Araguz’s family argued that the money should go to the two children he had with his ex-wife.

From a year earlier...
Born Justin Graham Purdue, Nikki married Thomas in August 2008, but in April of [2010], their attorney informed Thomas of his wife's previous identity and they separated. Thomas Araguz died later on July 4 battling a massive fire. Lawyers cite that the couple's marriage could not be considered legal because in the state of Texas, in which Thomas and Nikki were Wharton residents, two men cannot be married. The lawsuit claims that under Texas law, a person that undergoes a sex change is still considered the same sex that their birth certificate shows.

I'll tell you one thing, you shouldn't have to move to some armpit in South Texas and still have to preside over a shit-storm like this. This poor judge probably thought he was still in Austin. At any rate, it seems like a pretty open and shut case on the surface, just telling this greedy freakshow to shove it, that his family and previous kids deserve the money, transgendered people aren't real people anyway... blah, blah, blah. Well I'm sorry, but I'm not buying it for a second. Unless this firefighter was legally retarded, he got punked fair and square. Rule number one before any marriage: you've gotta look under the hood before signing the papers. You're telling me this joker never even knew his wife had a dick? No clue? Wake up, brah. Just because God doesn't love transgenders doesn't mean they can't swindle a cool $600k from your kids and their real mom like your read about. Think the guys at the firehouse gave him a little grief over that one? Ol' Captain Thomas was just sittin' back and enjoying those mean BJ's from some dude named Justin, a little too fat and happy to find out the inconvenient truth, and now his reputation and his kids have to pay. Hell, I woulda skipped town and started a vicious egg farm fire death rumor too... shit's humiliating. I probably would have at least said it was a gasoline farm though, makes the accidental death a little more conceivable.