It's not exactly the playful innocence of Will Smith's "Summertime," but I feel like I'm ready to offically kick my summer off now. Your guess is as good as mine as to what TB stands for, but I know I definitely don't plan on runnin' into her. It's not so much the racist part, it's just that if we ended up together in a Hampton Road duplex bedroom, there's only three conceivable endings. I get raped. I get shanked. I get raped and shanked. All involving tearful apologies and sexual inadequacy. Yep, gonna be another summer north of the Trinity.
I do wonder if the black community was sporting the Rangers gear when they weren't winning pennants. Wait... no I don't. They were not.
FRISCO - Frisco is up against five other cities vying to be named America’s friendliest small town in a contest sponsored by Rand McNally and USA Today. Two-person teams were dispatched to visit the finalist cities, and apparently Frisco welcomed its visitors on Saturday. As part of their aim to “show just what the city is made of,” Frisco leaders organized the greeting (performed at the Comfort Suites along the Dallas North Tollway) that you can see in the video above.
Just when you start to get sick of your town and it's occasional murders, meth den raids, socialite pedophilia syndicates, or luxury condo-tower foreclosures, it could be worse. Nothing screams desperation more than a viral video of underage white girls shuffling around in flip-flops and confusion at a roadside budget hotel chain to tell an apathetic nation how supposedly friendly they are. Even the Mormon high schoolers are laughing while their mixers look like a Barstool Foam party. Real winners play to their strengths and let their game speak for itself. Suburban farmland sprawl, third-tier sports teams, budget-friendly bar and restuarant chains that close at midnight, and Safety Town is your game, Frisco. Leave the song-and-dance routines to the mid-cities simpletons.
By the Way - Who forgot the tell the brotha in the back that this was a whites-only hoedown? Homie ain't got time fo 'dat.
By the Way #2 - Should you ever win a small town award with 125,000 people? Just feels a little tainted with such shady eligibility requirements.
It's bad enough that I have to make my own dinner when all I know how to cook is breakfast tacos, but who is she trying to fool with this sneaky tortilla swap? When you go with the unproven, tarted-up flavor-of-the-week over the ol' reliable veteran, things are gonna get dicey. In this case, a shredded, crumbled mess after one just one bite. This late in the game, you go flour or you go home. Flour is gonna dig in, work the count, and give you a solid plate appearance every time. Flax seed and blue corn rookies swing first pitch and pop up in the clutch. That's a clown tortilla, bro.
How about Bon Jovi, with a little warm-up from Jack Ingram? Not exactly some cheesy local cover band either. Just a little get-together with a few friends on his Deloache mansion grounds. No biggie. Delonte seems a little outta place, but I guess he got the last laugh this weekend.
1. Greenville Avenue St. Patrick's Day Parade
2. Birth of first-born 3. The arrival of the College Football Bible
4. Cabo San Lucas WWCD Boondoggle
5. Rangers Opening Day
6. Kate Upton SI Swimsuit Issue Release
7. The night Taco Bell accidentally included an extra crispy taco
8. Wedding anniversary
If the Rangers were playing less like the Royals I'd be in the mood to move Opening Day up a little, and until the kiddo stops givin' me the stink-eye she's not dropping below the two-hole. Pretty confident about everything else though. Just no way you can get over-excited when you tear open the high-priority packaging and see that sweet regional cover gracing the most comprehensive collection of information a college football gambler and fan could ever need. It marks the glorious day when you can almost hear the fight songs, smell the grilled meats and cheap keg beer, and feel the bourbon flask in your back pocket. You can even see some highlights of the Thursday night openers. Yes, there's Marcus Lattimore steamrolling hapless Vandy defenders for a 3rd TD. Ha, there's those bumbling Aggies struggling for a 4th quarter comeback vs La Tech. Yep, it's almost here...
DALLAS - Crowne Plaza held a special "Adult Swim" version of their "Naked Sunday" Pool Party on Sunday, June 3. Adult Film stars Rachel Starr and Taylor Vixen were on hand for the party.
So there's like 40 pictures to go through, and for the record, I have no idea who's a porn star and who's just some sunburned whore passing around cigarettes, over-priced shots, and hepatitis. I do know that the last pic is Rachel Starr (link NSFW). I just have two questions. First, what's Rachel thinking when you get your brand new tribal arm tat, buy her a Vodka Red Bull, and expect her to rawdog you in an empty cabana in return? It's gotta be like with any other chef, beautician, or geneticist who's trying to have a good time. Sometimes after a grueling 40-hour work week of salad tossing, facials, and DNA collecting, you just wanna get away from work, right? Second, if you do get to slip inside that clown car of cock, it's not like you're the beefy plumber in the movie. You're not bringin' in a thing she hasn't seen, and the second she brings her A-game, you're shakin' like a cold, wet dog while bustin' faster than a Mormon on his honeymoon. Just get me some homely, inexperienced broad who's grateful that I made it more than five missionary minutes in the dark to tell me what a stallion I am, and I'm all set.
UNIVERSITY PARK – Tucked in the middle of one of the wealthiest areas in Texas, agents say a wealthy socialite had developed a secret habit: swapping and collecting child pornography.
Erika Perdue, 41, of University Park faces several child pornography charges after agents raided her $1.4 million mansion in April and found a cache of graphic videos and photos on her computer.
Agents say the images were extremely graphic and showed children- some of them toddlers- having intercourse with adults. She “collected so much child pornography,” court documents allege she had trouble keeping track of it.
Using the username, “Classyb****,” Perdue unknowingly shared the images with agents who later tracked down her computer.
While her husband was at work as a successful attorney, Perdue told investigators she was on the computer swapping and collecting child porn. Her Facebook page depicts a sultry housewife who liked to pose provocatively for pictures. In the couple’s driveway, sits a 2010 Chevrolet Camaro with vanity license plates reading, MY SYN.
Well well, while the husband's away, the wives shall play, huh? A lotta head-scratchers here, but someone sure is being pretty cavalier about what a socialite is. I'm pretty sure a true socialite is supposed to be no lower than a hard 7 and cavort around town dining, shopping, and banging, not holed up on a fat ass peddling internet sins. Not a good look for Dallas here at all. I know the real crime here is against the kids and everything, but the first support group may need to be for the poor saps who innocently checked this "sultry" Facebook page only to be exposed to neglected, pasty cellulite creeping from under a guilty smirk and Jew schnoz.
Guess the headlines are true... everyone really does wanna live here. Even the JET would rather dump this party palace to live in the DFdub over the ATL. $1.8mil does seems like a pretty sweet deal to get to land on the runway and ask for that barbershop fade whenever the hell you want.
Purple Gatorade, red Gatorade, orange Gatorade, who gives a shit? You know you've spun a good yarn when you can swindle the great George Riba though. Every proud Horned Frog knows the secret to TCU's success is plowing hot chicks. Is and always has been. Nothing takes your mind off the big game more than a fit, tanned, confidently-buzzed debutante who can ride your lil' Louisville Slugger by night and whose daddy can land you a nice oil and gas job by day. I know, I know... "So how come the basketball team sucks? TCU girls don't bone brotha's. Sorry, try a mid-tier state school.
