Saginaw Broad Pulls Moldy Tampon from Snatch, Blames Anyone But Herself

I always knew gettin' up in a fat chick was a place no man wants to be, but I didn't think it was this bad. If I wanted to pull out with a new batch of mold spores on my wang I'd just have sex with the two-month-old leftover lasagna in the fridge. It would probably feel about the same, and I wouldn't have to apologize for finishing first again. I'll tell you one thing, there's no way this husband wasn't the whistle-blower here. With sex that brutal, you can only take so much moldy cock. This Danielle Parr cat did all she could do when a sneaky spouse hits up Craig Civale's voicemail about a renegade fungus flap, and poor Kotex was the easy fall guy. You can hate on Danielle's callous disregard for a little clambox cleanliness all you want, but you can't hate on her for making the all the right moves under pressure. It takes true dedication to the cause to shove every tampon up that toxic taco and wrap them right back up like it just came from the Dollar Tree. A real professional's professional.

Breaking News - WWCD reports that poor Craig had to go to Fort Worth the very next day to report on an apartment with nine dead dogs that is creating a stench for the neighbors. What the hell do you have to do to get the moldy tampon and dog dead stench assignments on back-to-back days? Must have lost the WFAA March Madness Brackets, cause I bet Shelly Slater somehow wins that damn thing every year. Surely he got caught yanking in the men's room, or at the very least called his program director's wife a whore. Really should have just resigned in disgrace, Civale.