New Show About Kicking Ass in Dallas Inevitably To Fall Flat on Ass

 

They’re young, they’re hot, they’re single - they’re Dallas’ Most Eligible. From beauty queens to pro-football players, this group of Texas socialites proves that everything’s bigger in Texas - including the drama. Some are looking for true love while others have perfected the art of the one-night stand, and somehow their love lives have all crossed paths at one time or another. Dallas serves as the sexy backdrop for this jaw-dropping series that follows a group of successful friends living it up in the lone star state. 

Yep, that's the actual show preview. Only space limitations appear to have prevented any more tired cliches.

Look, if there's two things the Benefactor does, it's knowing Dallas and kicking ass within it. There are a few red flags that separate the natives from the transplant wanna-be's, and constantly using the term "Big D" is the one of the biggest every time. That's where Bravo's new, painful "reality show" Most Eligible Dallas lets viewers know, right off the bat, that reality may be about as truthful as Jerry Jones' face.

It would be easy enough to just watch the show's trailer, which is exactly like the trailer of every other semi-scripted show about young people living and going out together in a big city, except with these interchangeable names and characters. Not every show is on the gayest channel on television though. These nausea-inducing, flamefest classics also call Bravo home - Flipping Out, Million Dollar Decorators, Rocco's Dinner Party, Mad Fashion, Tabatha's Salon Takeover, Miami Social, and of course the Real Housewives Series. However, one problem is that the guys on Most Eligible Dallas are as flaming, brain-dead, and as soul-less as the demographic they are trying to cater to.

On that, let's look at the All Star cast of Dallas' movers and shakers. Of the three guys, one is actually gay and from Washington DC, one is an NFL punter from Michigan, and one is a former Longhorn backup QB who is stereotypically involved in the family's energy business, and might just be the gayest of them all. If that doesn't make you want abandon suburban life and put that Uptown one-bedroom efficiency on credit, then how about the girls? One is a 23 year-old mother who came to Dallas after failing in NY and LA, one is a 36 year-old business exec who managed to screw up not one, but four engagements, and one is a Fort Worth girl who just LOVES FASHION and is somehow different from everyone else, all of whom seem to be competing for the affection of the guy who is holding out long enough before coming out of the closet.

Between this instant classic and Texas Women, it looks like the weather isn't the only thing that's gonna be hot this summer! [Note to editor: please submit this last sentence, along with my home-made gay porn, to the Bravo HR department, just to lay some groundwork for when WWCD soon fails.]