No, It Wasn't Halloween, But SMU Was Much More Saggy, Unsightly If Only For One Day

DALLAS - U.S. Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg lectured at the inaugural event of the Louise B. Raggio Endowed Lecture Series Monday night. Hosted by the Dedman School of Law, Dean John Attanasio led a casual conversation with Ginsburg in front of a sold out audience in McFarlin Auditorium.

So apparently Dallas is no longer in the proud, conservative South, huh? All of the sudden SMU can prop up old bag Ginsberg to lead a lecture series about chicks' rights, the evolution in girdle fashion, how to soothe bunyon itch, or whatever the hell they talked about, and the Tea Party or NRA aren't throwing a shit storm off Mockingbird and 75? Where the hell am I, Berkley? Listen here, Ruthie, you can stay up in Washington and privately write a few opinions telling us how great abortions, female bosses, and ACLU memberships are, but I'll be DAMNED if this town is going to stand idly by next time some Al Davis look-a-like shows up IN PERSON and dares to preach to the hotbed of talent on the Hilltop. Honestly, did you see who she was wearing? And those exposed roots? Think you can sip on the Grey Goose at my table at Rio Room with those chipmunk jowls? Get your old ass back to sweatshirt-and-jeans country, bitch, we've got last night's Most Eligible to watch.

Nolan Still Bringing the Heat

Look alive, Dubs. Nolan will slide in and drag Laura home quicker than it takes to bloody Robin Ventura's face.

New Braunfels Concedes in Race of Best Texas Cities

NEW BRAUNFELS - The City Council in the popular summer destination of New Braunfels voted late Monday to ban disposable food and drink containers on rivers. The Herald-Zeitung in New Braunfels reported that the City Council voted 5-1 in favor of the ban. Supporters concede the proposed ban on disposable food and drink containers may cause a dip in tourism. However, they say it will make the waterways cleaner and more family-friendly. Critics counter it’s an indirect way to curb drinking and tubing - a time-honored tradition of floating along with a beer or another adult beverage. The new plan imposes fines of up to $500.

What is it they say in the Hill Country? When the going gets tough, the tough cut off their main source of summer revenue and the rite of passage for all Texas college students? Just when Dallas starts to really stock its trophy case, the New Braunfels City Council takes their ball and runs home crying to mommy like pussies. Guess what, NB, every tourist spot gets litter. The shores of our Lake Lewisville have a few more aluminum cans than nature intended, but you think we are going to un-tie pontoon boat city and tell the tipsy bikini'd blondes to just go home? The Guadalupe and Comal are good for two things, gettin' ham-boned on it and pissing in it. If people wanted a clean, family-friendly float they would stay at Schlitterbaun, not slum it in a cesspool.

Not a Strong Look, Sweetheart

I don't care if they do snag a lined foul that saves the head of a disinterested mom, if you're going to trot out marginally cute softball chicks then you've gotta go all the way. The short-bus-to-school helmet look just isn't getting job done. And spare me safety excuse... CJ's 60 feet away and his flowing locks are protected by nothing more than sweaty fabric. Yet another botched executive call by underachieving Rangers management.

In South Dallas, an Unfinished Presidential Term, Raising Unemployment, Threatening Inflation, and Soaring Federal Debt Gets You Your Own Male Leadership Academy

DALLAS - The first all boys public school in the state of Texas opened its doors on Monday in Dallas.
The Barack Obama Male Leadership Academy is located in the 4700 block of South Lancaster Road. The building is the old B.F. Darrell Math, Science and Technology Vanguard, an old elementary school that was renovated for this Academy. It will have sixth through ninth grades. Additional grade levels will be added each year until students reach twelfth grade.
Dallas Independent School District officials called it a jewel which will offer the students a rigorous curriculum, along with the opportunity to learn several different languages including Mandarin, Latin and Spanish. It also offered more non-traditional sports like rowing and lacrosse. Parent involvement will be mandatory.

So South Dallas will pretty much name a school after anybody, huh? We do have an eight-year president who passed the largest bi-partisan education reform in our nation's history and who actually lives here, but DISD is going with the one who might be even less popular around here than his predecessor and hasn't even completed his first term yet? No shocker down south of the Trinity I guess... truly a different planet. You can't find one single local dignitary for this sausage-factory though? No one called The Benefactor, I know that. They could have at least called it the non-partisan Mark Cuban Center for Winning, which everyone could have rallied behind.

Dallas-Based Reality Shows Are Officially Out of Control

Logo: Fierce TV

This fall, Logo heads to Dallas with the expansion of its hit, docu-reality "A-List" franchise from the producers of "The Real Housewives of Atlanta."  Deep in the heart of Texas, this cast of socialite, scene-making men and woman are out to prove their New York counterparts have not cornered the market on having big dreams and bigger dramas.  Dallas has recently surged to the forefront as the next, up-and-coming destination for food, fashion and all things fabulous. Expect this new, now, next locale and its top-tier natives to bring a whole new level of southern decadence to "The A-List."  The 11-episode, one-hour season of "The A-List: Dallas" premieres Monday, October 3rd at 10/9c on Logo.

OK.. That's it. I don't know what in the hell that was. I honestly don't. Between Most Eligible Douschebag and Texas Bitches, or whatever the hell they're called, it just doesn't matter anymore. Dallas is truly the whore of reality TV. We've made it. At this point any network can pretty much air an hour of donkeys kicking field goals and monkeys wearing sun dresses, call it "Bright Lights in Big D," and sell twelve episodes before you've had your morning latte. Fill the ad space with Fabreeze, tampon, and sex lube commercials and the byline writes itself. "These eccentric Dallas socialites know that in Texas, you better know two things: football and fashion. This fall, let these bold and beautful BFF's tell you that the only two things hotter than a Texas summer are in football pants by day and in tight Wranglers by night, and when the clock hits zero, the game is just getting started."

11-Year-Old Forney Kid Mayor Gets Her Justin Bieber Street Sign Stolen, Somehow Town Is Shocked

FORNEY, TX - On Tuesday, Forney’s Main Street was renamed after the pop star under orders of the town’s 11-year-old “mayor for a day,” Caroline Gonzalez. A day later, either late Wednesday or early Thursday, someone stole the sign marking the street Justin Bieber Way. But fans hoping to take pictures with the sign were disappointed Thursday morning to find the sign missing.
Caroline’s father, Tony Gonzalez, said he had “never seen her so mad."
A Dallas sign company created a new sign that will be posted Thursday afternoon. Officials hope it stays put through Monday.
Meanwhile, some are hoping the teen idol will visit his namesake street.
After [Mayor Darren] Rozell declared that Bieber was “more than welcome to come to Forney,” Caroline’s parents set up a “Bring Justin Bieber to Forney” Facebook page in an effort to draw the pop star’s attention.

Am I the only one who thinks that if this chick was a true Bieber fan she would know better than to just prop up one-of-a-kind Bieber memorabilia on a silver platter, walk away, and expect it to last more than one night? Whether or not you or me like it, Bieber is still hotter than yours truly rockin' the V-neck white-T and gametime shades at the ZaZa pool on a 106 degree Saturday. Come on, Caroline, that's like putting up a Dirk Fathead on the side of a Cafe Brazil and not thinking MFFL's are going to peel it off before sunrise. I've got news for you, Gonzales family, putting up a new sign ain't the answer either. Hell they should probably check the Facebook timeline of her own Bieber-crazed friends if they want to find a little evidence. And it's not like these jorts-wearing parents are helping, thinking that they can convince the world's most popular pop star to hang out in Forney to make their little princess feel better. You think a guy who spends his Friday nights slithering into Selena Gomez' Little Mermaid bedsheets wants to hit up a Jackrabbits football game and sip on a Blizzard at Dairy Queen? Bieber and his real fans weren't born yesterday, Caroline. Hurts to grow up the hard way.

Romo Swings and Misses with His Bachelor Party, Will Never Win the Big One

DALLAS - The Cowboys quarterback recently divulged a few details from his bachelor party, and brace yourself, the activity of choice is not what you would expect. The 31-year-old signal-caller and his 14 or 15 buddies ditched the alcohol and partying. Instead, they traveled to a cabin in West Virginia and played a few games of hide-and-seek.
“I didn’t really feel like going out, drinking that night,” Romo described. “I mean, we were there for a couple of days, so I was just like, ‘Let’s just find something to do here.’ We tried coming up with a game, but with 14 or 15 guys, there aren’t a lot of non-drinking games at that age you can do.”
them.

I know it's easy to jump on the bash-Romo bandwagon and call him a pussy for completely dropping the ball for his bachelor party like it was a playoff field goal in Seattle, but there's just no way around it. Star quarterbacks of America's Team absolutely have to ball it up before they lock it down. Hell, even the Benefactor himself just got back from a bachelor party filled with golf, booze, and tits, and that groom-to-be doesn't even play sports professionally or nail Hollywood starlets. There is no excuse or room for error, no room for not feeling like drinking and not feeling like going out, and certainly no room for playing grab ass in the woods with a bunch of dudes or circle-jerking around a campfire. He got complacent thinking that he's happy with all of the tail he's seen up to this point, and that the set he's chained to for all of eternity is just fine and dandy, but staying content doesn't win championships. In life's divisional playoff game, Romo just went 5-18 with 2 picks and 4 sacks in a loss to the Eagles.

When Jason Terry Hooks Up With Young Jeezy, the Jet Veers Pretty Far Off the Family-Friendly Runway

Behind the scenes footage of Young Jeezy’s Win off his latest mixtape, The Real Is Back! Dallas Mavericks NBA Champ, Jason Terry takes a stab at Lebron James and The Miami Heat while on set for the video.

There may not be too many personal branding jobs in the NBA right now better than our own Jet Terry. Stay out of documented legal trouble, play on a pretty white bread team, create a bit that kids love, and watch Plano moms to buy your jersey, and it's easy to overlook the fact that he just might be a straight baller in something other than 4th Quarter FG%. Behind those in-game AAC videos where he's twisting and shouting with Dirk and fake guitars is a guy that seems like he would choke a bitch like Wayne Brady's dark side. Don't let the small frame fool you, this isn't a guy I would want to run into in the valet line at Beamers at 2am.

Fort Worth Residents Really Showing Dallas How to Party

FORT WORTH - A man on a forklift led Fort Worth police on a very slow speed chase on Interstate 30 Sunday afternoon. He was drinking beer and making obscene gestures at officers.
Tim Raines, 43, was the man on the forklift. "I take medication for bipolar," he told News 8 in a jailhouse interview. Raines said he's been in treatment for many years, but stopped taking medication for mental illness this summer.
"I took the tractor and I drove the tractor to a beer store," Raines said. "I picked up a six-pack. I had my dog with me on top of the lift." He said he bought the forklift from a stranger for $500 and was driving it home when he saw officers behind him.
"I really don't remember too much of it," Raines said. "It's kind of like a dream to me. But I didn't want the dog to get hurt."

Gotta love those insecure pussies over in Cowtown. Always complaining that Dallas gets all of the attention, that their city has really cool places places to eat and things to do, that it's a great place to live, blah, blah, blah. Bottom line, come game time, Fort Worth flat out gets beat on the line of scrimmage every time. I mean you've got a guy who clearly loves to party, obviously wants to find a sweet ride and get his drink on at a hot lounge with some kick ass dudes and some smoke-stack chicks, but F-Dub falls so flat the poor guy is relegated to ripping off a tractor to go get a six-pack with Rover. You've got to applaud his determination for just wanting to have a good time with the bad hand he got dealt though. I've got no problem with kickin' back a few cold ones with man's best friend, and I certainly appreciate his creativity for just trying to have a little Sunday Funday joyride. This may squarely fall on the TCU Greek scene though for not recognizing a one-man party right on University Drive. Hey Pi Kapp's, get this guy to your next tailgate and you'll land that coveted chapter house filled with topless Pi Phi's like you dream about.

Local Gays Grab Another Trophy For Dallas' Shelf

Village Voice - Dallas has the highest percentage of same-sex households of any city in Texas, according to an analysis of 2010 Census figures by the Williams Institute at UCLA’s School of Law. Overall, same-sex couples account for 0.76 percent of households in Texas — or 67,413, the analysis shows. But in the city of Dallas, the rate is twice as high at 1.5 percent — for a total of 6,876 same-sex households.

Did Dallas just do it again or did Dallas do it again? If we aren't the Titletown of the South you tell me right now who is. Just when other cities are taking it easy, snoozing away in the summer heat, those sneaky queens have been hitting the weights and playbooks around here like a pride parade was this weekend. Those paper champs in Austin may grab all the headlines, but come gametime, our queers not only invade West Village, but will co-habitate the hell outta those re-furbished 2 bed/1.5 bath urban townhomes before you know what hit you.

By the Way - Sometimes Google Image Search delivers absolute garbage and sometimes it gives straight gold. Today was certainly a medal-winning performance.

Double By the Way - Yea I know the Cowboys were on TV, but there was literally nothing post-worthy from that game, even with a last minute game-winning TD and conversion.

Rangers Finally Figure Out Marketing 101

It took until mid-August, but the 2011 Rangers Promo Department finally teamed up with a seasoned cameraman to work the key demo like a champ. No, we don't need fake cops arresting Murph for flattening a few bluebonnets. Just place the graphic over the dude's face and show us a hot blonde and all-you-can-eat food specials and watch the money roll in every time. Like Pavlov and his dogs, just flash a few hots out there in a Kinsler jersey T and it's instant salivating city straight to the ticket window.

Way To Dress Up For That TV Audience, Marty B

Not how you get respect in this town, bro, and it's not like your stats can speak for you. You've got one month to get your shit together.

Is There Anything Else on TV With More Insane Bits Than A Knoxie Rangers Postgame?

Chewbacca on a 106 degree day? Couple getting married at the Ballpark, with some joker in a red body suit as their witness? What the hell planet am I on? How does Knoxie sleep at night? No wonder Nefi is blowing saves like a chump with these freak sideshow distractions, and no way this nonsense flies in a downtown Dallas ballpark.

White Rock Lake Needs This Slut Spreading Her Legs and It Needed It Yesterday

GERMANY - A man in a canoe paddles around a sculpture of a mermaid at the 'Alster' lake in Hamburg August 3, 2011. The four-meter-high sculpture made by Oliver Voss will be in place until August 12.

Gotta hand it to those Germans. Always staying so far ahead of the game it's not even funny. They'll clear out inferior races and drop seductive sculpture hots in their city lakes before other countries have even have their morning coffee. Just gettin' shit done like you dream about. You damn well know the guy in the canoe just came up for air after a little diving mission, too. New Mayor Mike Rawlings could learn a little something and get ahold of this broad before France or Houston get their greasy, conniving hands on her. Drop this gal in the middle of White Rock, keep that water level low and show a little more cleav, and Dallas would be kicking other Texas cities' asses so fast it would make your head spin. Like Tyson knocking out Marvis Frazier in 30 seconds in '86, just mop-up duty, really. Get it done, Rawlings.

Shirtless Troy Aikman Destroying Highland Park Marriages Like 90's NFC East Defenses

So apparently TMZ has their minions running around Dallas in the 110 degree heat looking for something to take a picture of, and the Great #8 happily obliged. This guy just keeps quietly sneaking into the scene when you least expect him, as proven here first with the Summer of Troy, just to let you know he's still on his game. I mean Aikman's crushing the post-divorce life in the mecca of needy, sexually-unfulfilled trophy wives like it's an Aaron's commercial with the Hulk. Straight domination. A glistening, half-naked three-time Super Bowl quarterback looking like he's in his prime frolicking right down MILF Boulevard? This town is gonna have more All-State quarterbacks in about 18 years it's not even funny. I wouldn't trust Mrs. Benefactor with him for 30 seconds. Hell I wouldn't even trust myself. This is how you own this town, Romo.

UNT Students Make Group Sex Tape, Forget to Include More Chicks

DENTON - The website of the North Texas Daily, the student paper at the University of North Texas, reports that "a pornographic video featuring UNT students went viral on Twitter.com." According to the Daily, the video, which has been removed from the Twitvid site, "shows three men and one woman engaging in oral sex in front of a small crowd." The paper added: "The video was filmed in Denton, according to tweets by UNT students." It said the tag #UNTsextape was a "trend" on Twitter in the Dallas-Fort Worth area before the video was removed.

You can't help but feel bad for little ol' North Texas, stuck up there in the dunce cap of the metroplex and pillow-fighting the bottom of the Sun Belt barrel every year while the pro sports teams and private schools hog all of the headlines. Poor guys couldn't even move the meter with a new football stadium and Dan McCarney taking over. While credit must be given to the courage and entrepreneurship it took to skip the sports page and head straight down the porno highway to Front Page City, these guys just can't win. Leave it to the bumbling Mean Green to put together a sex tape, which one would expect to be pretty quality given their top notch fine arts program, garner the kind of buzz the football team dreams of, and then roll out a blurry flip-phone vid of a bunch of dudes passing around the lips some homely, drunk community college transfer from chub to chub at a dead house party. You sure as hell aren't getting into the BCS this way, North Texas. Somewhere UT and OU are laughing their asses off.

Does the Average D/FW TV Viewer Know Who These Two Knuckleheads Are?

So the other night, Mrs. Benefactor noticed the overplayed Ranger commercial with Nefi, Alexi, Maddox, and Hawk and had to ask who those two jokers were, referring to the coaches, who, granted, are dressed like a couple of random jack ass fans. Hated to admit she may have had a point, so I didn't, and blogged about it instead. So, not only do I refuse to believe there is any way the average remote-wielding fat ass in a recliner has a clue who they are, I will say right here that no less than 30% of the people in the stands at an average game know either. Don't sit there and say I'm full of shit either. Over 40% of people at Rangers games are moms and kids who can't name more than half a dozens Rangers. It's why I stay home on my fat ass with my remote taking cell phone pics from my recliner. If the people who care enough to go to the actual games don't know, then the average slack-jawed yokel certainly has no clue. Point being, Wife: 1, Rangers: 0, in case she doesn't read this, in which case she doesn't know what the hell she's talking about and needs to get her ass back in the kitchen.