Booty-Shake It Right Into the New Year

NYE time, kiddo's. Time to shake it like you got it, then find that single, homely chick around midnight and start 2012 off with the familiar guilt, shame, and burning sensation when urinating that accompanies the start of every other year.

Mavs Slay the Veloci-Raptors, Primed for Another Championship Run

Ian Mahinmi droppin' a team-high 19 like it ain't no thang and goin' hard in the paint, ya'll know this! Everybody knows this teams starts slow and needs a couple run-thru's to get that championship swagger back, just had to let those feisty Thunder kids think they still have a chance first. Time to go 63-3 and raise another banner!

Vegas Karma Always Comes Back Around

After cashing in on college season win totals and closing the season like a ballin' Vegas wiseguy, this week is bending me over Sandusky-style, but without the sheepish grad assistant to walk in and awkwardly end it. Just when you think you're the talk of the town, that fickle, point spread mistress can push you right back down on your face before your 3-team teaser is even done.

How to Kill Any and All Street Cred at One Mediocre Bowl Game

Not the best look, Texas. Just offset any positive marketing during this Holiday snoozer. First your offense is as putrid as the Mavs interior D, now you come out with this soft game while your neighbors to the north at TCU keep stuffing hot screenshot ass right in America's face for another year? It's pretty rough when even the dirty hippies at Berkeley are pointing out how homely and overly-diverse your representation is. Plus you've gotten a brotha shot when he goes back home to east Texas. Everybody knows the front row is the money row, and the 'Horns aren't ever going to get back on top with plays like these. This falls right at the feet of Mack Brown.

Marriage: Still the Only Game Where Deion Sanders Can't Ball

Deion and ex #2, Pilar

TMZ has learned Deion Sanders has officially filed for divorce from his wife Pilar. In the documents, Deion states he and Pilar "ceased to live together as husband and wife" on Dec. 21, the date the petition for divorce was filed in Texas. Deion continues, "The marriage has become insupportable because of discord or conflict" ... which "prevents any reasonable expectation of reconciliation."

Deion announced his intentions to get divorced earlier this month -- claiming, "Pilar and I have decided to end our marriage and move on to the next phase of our individual lives with mutual respect." Deion and Pilar were married on May 21, 1999. They have 3 children together.

Interceptions, stolen bases, bass fishing, scootering? Ain't no thing for Primetime. Upholding marriage vows and not getting posterized by your ex's lawyers? Probably not making that Hall of Fame. We all remember Deion's first go-around... not so much the marriage part to Carolyn Chambers, but how she got his West Plano home with the gold "Primetime" driveway gates in the seperation. Hurts to lose that one, buddy. At least this latest beautiful union made it into the double digits. Too bad for Prime that a clause in their pre-nup says that her house must be at least half the value of his, and since his is an unsellable, $21 million, 29,000 sq. ft. Prosper behemoth, she may net a nice rebound. Guess she didn't just want to move into their penthouse Azure suite.

Deiondra (yea, really her name)

Since the holidays wouldn't be complete without a little family bickering, Deion's daughter, Deiondra (kinda hot leaked, topless pics of her here), said that Pilar was a terrible mom, wouldn't let her and Deion Jr see their step-siblings, and had basically been seperated from her dad for months, which goes against Pilar's sob story that this whole divorce thing was a surprise. Just like Prime to keep things entertaining. Who needs a semi-scripted reality show when the behind-the-scenes yet kinda-in-the-spotlight rumor mill is so much more interesting?

Who Would Go to Dallas City Hall and Wait in Line to See the Fat, Ugly Kardashian? Fat Ugly Chicks!

DALLAS - As one of her first public appearances in Dallas, Khloe Kardashian [is] hosting a toy drive at City Hall. Khloe will be signing autographs and taking photos with fans that bring a toy.

(Update) The line of people waiting to meet Khloe Kardashian wraps around City Hall. Some have been waiting since 9 a.m. and others drove up from Austin.

All this time I've been trying to figure out who could possibly give a shit about any of the Kardashians enough to waste an hour watching a TV show entirely about them, especially the show all about the one who looks like a cold, hungry walrus, or especially waiting outside in the cold to see what toys she'll eat. Hell, I didn't even know she had her own show until the Lamar-to-Dallas move and the accompanying media frenzy raped my innocent, carefree mind. Well, WWCD can finally confirm just who does give a shit, and it's no surprise, probably the same people who watch a lot a Food Network and CBS sitcoms...

Time for the Mavs to Re-Calibrate, The Sniper's Hanging Up the Rifle

Chandler? Was probably goin' to get hurt anyway. Caron? Made the run without him. JJ? Please. Nuts and bolts, you don't lose the Serbian Sniper and act like nothing happened. Dirk knows it. Cubes knows it. The new Kardashians in town know it. Sharp-shooter of our generation. Dynasty done. Trade Dirk for draft picks and blow this thing up. Countdown to Rangers season and another pennant starts now.

Goin' from bangin' 3's to bangin' D's in hot wife town though. Sneaky Yugoslav retiring like he's Secretariat put out to stud...

This Is What Happens When You Move to the 'Burbs

FRISCO - Tori Brown juggles taking care of the children and the household... all while nurturing her creative side. This multitasking led her to a unique invention. It all started when this proud mom wanted to show off photo cards of her children.
"It happened out of a need," she said. "I would put my photo cards along my mantel, and every time I would walk by they would fall down over and over again... it drove me crazy! So I thought I just want cute little easels to put straight across my mantel, and I couldn't find them anywhere, so I made my own."
Calling them "Cardigans," it was an idea that came right out of the cupboard
"I printed my first rounds two years ago this Christmas and gave them out for free to my friends and family," she said. "They went nuts over it, and they wanted more to give to their friends and family, and I made more and I said, 'Hmmm... maybe I can sell them instead of giving them away.'"

I've always heard some terrifying stories about what goes on north of the Bush Turnpike, but this is beyond my wildest nightmares. It's just a whole different world up there. First the annoying kids that no one cares about, then the pounds that everyone notices, then the sad result of a fragile mind driven crazy by boredom, retail and food chains, and too much time with five-year-olds. Look bitch, if you were actually five, people might actually care that you cut up cereal boxes to prop up pictures no one wants to see, but this is kinda mean on WFAA's part, pandering to her like some special needs go-getter for a feel-good evening story. If you've got that much time on your hands, how about sprinkling in some P90X or at least some family acting lessons for the next local newspiece. If I had this to come home to, you better believe I'm putting in 80 hours a week at the downtown branch, plowin' through TPS reports and busty, young secretaries like you read about.

Santa! Get Me This Seattle Pimp Suit!

Finally something to get Mrs. Benefactor off my ass over the endless barrage of gift ideas, plus my baby blue eyes would crush this combo. I'll take one baller special and a stocking full of $1's, please! Beats the hell outta socks and a sweater.

By the Way - Yes, I was watching a dog shit NFC West game. What else are you supposed to due on a Monday night other than tease the home favorite with the OVER and stay up all night being a winner?

Well, Being a Dallas Sports Fan Was Fun For a While There, Wasn't It?

I think the Rangers can certainly live to fight another day. It's just the bigger crotch-kick of our biggest rival and divisional threat getting our best pitcher and the best player in the game on the same day. However, the Mavs losing Caron, and mainly Chandler, has left me teetering over the edge of the sports cliff all afternoon thinking it might just be better to end it on a high note. Let's just live in the past for a while, OK?

D Magazine Needs to Stop Allowing Middle-Aged Gay Men to Choose Dallas' Most Beautiful

DALLAS - Could we be honest for a minute? I don't care if these broads volunteer at homeless shelters, save abused puppies, or how philanthropic they are with their husbands' money. You can't just walk into some random suburban private school benefit dinner, take a picture of the first ten moms, and tell me it's Dallas' Most Beautiful Women. If that's their approach though they ought to at least hit up J Blacks or Black Friar or something for some respectable random talent that could move those magazines off the shelves like you hear about. I've had it with some 40-year-old, queer magazine editor trying to convince honest, hard-working dudes that charity, personality, and tangible accomplishments mean something in this town. Show me a cover-story about hot, busty, semi-successful, local 20-somethings, and I'll show you an empty magazine rack every time.

At Least One Fort Worth Man Thinks Kiddie Porn is Worth Scaling Apartment Balconies For, Even If It Might End Horribly Wrong

 
FORT WORTH - Police responding Tuesday night to a report of a man scaling up an apartment balcony didn’t find a burglar but rather an apartment guest they believe had been viewing child pornography inside, officials say.
Sgt. Jim Thomson, supervisor of the crimes against children unit, said a man in another apartment building had called police about 10:45 p.m., reporting a possible burglary in progress, after seeing a man climbing up a balcony to a second-floor apartment in the 5400 block of Boca Canyon Drive.  
Thomson said officers eventually made contact with the apartment's resident, who came and let police inside to investigate. “Officers observed what they believed to possibly be child pornographic images on a computer screen inside the apartment,” Thomson said.
Trudell Mishiel Williams, a 25-year-old guest of the apartment resident, was arrested after he was found hiding inside a small cupboard under the sink in the apartment bathroom, Thomson said.

First off, what the hell is it lately with everyone diggin' little kids like they're the Victoria's Secret Angels in a naked pillow fight? I may be in the minority these days, but I happen to think kids are good for little else but being painfully annoying, smelling like shit, and slowly draining their parents' patience, bank account, and general happiness. Instead we've got ol' Sandusky setting up an entire foundation to use as his version of a minor league farm system, half of Hollywood diddling those brats in exchange for acting gigs, and now this bro going so far as to play Spiderman in the freezing cold just to catch some pre-pube, low-bandwidth action. Don't think I wouldn't do the same if Lima, Doutzen and the gang were up in that heavenly apartment with hope of sneaking a closer peek at an inner thigh, but when you're squeezed into a bathroom cabinet hiding between a toilet brush, Drano, and tears you've gotta wonder at what point the evening veered south.

The Five Hottest Victoria's Secret Models from Tuesday's Fashion SmokeShow

So every single living, breathing human, other than degenerate gamblers who liked Ohio St at home last laying a justified seven to Duke, was watching the VS Angels tearing up both the runway and fat chicks' self-esteem. What other reason could there be to watch CBS if it's not football? It's a win-win for the married male who can kick back and stare at bouncing tits with wife in the room, as since it's on network TV and it's all artistic and shit, it's all of the sudden wholesome family viewing and nothing like hunkering over multi-racial porn alone in the back room. So without further ado....

1. Adriana Lima

Hands down, the best of the best for eleven years running. Lima would straight up wreck your dick Brazilian-style and leave you begging for more. The top-paid VS model who, if you believe her story, lost her V-card to NBA spare and current husband Marco Juric, which gives me more reason to distrust Serbians. Had me at last year's show holding that look that would turn Perez Hilton straight...

(fast-forward to 3:25 mark)

2. Erin Heatherton 

Very controversial pick, but this young 22-year-old won me over last night. She's one of the few who is actually from the US, and her freckles were close to changing the way the game is played. Not going to cause the devastation Lima would, but doesn't need to. Uses that youth and innocence to make the veterans keep an eye on her at every turn.

3. Doutzen Koers

The 26-year-old power hitter has been in the game long enough to be both feared and respected. Classic blonde from the Netherlands whose fierce eyes could back down the fiercest challenger and make the rookie Angels know just who rules the roost. No doubt she could grace every VS billboard from now until eternity and no one would complain.

4) Miranda Kerr 

Classic VS Angel over the years who has never really moved my meter until last night. Face was really killing it, but it was probably the tits, or the $2.5 million diamond-encrusted bra covering them up. Personally I would have paid to see her take it off and leave it on the runway. Either way, not bad for a chick who popped out a kid a year ago. At least we know she likes to get down and dirty though.

5. Candice Swanepoel 

Another very controversial pick, because it's tough to leave some of these out. Obviously keeping off perennial contender and 2nd highest paid Angel Alessandra Ambrosio will make the comment section a little nasty, but she's as old as I am, and gun to my head, I'm a blonde guy. With that said, I'm going with the 23 year-old South African and one of the hotter VS girls going lately. The more I watch her the more I think only two sounds come out when she closes the door, purging and rhythmic slapping. Just feel like she knows what she needs to do to stay in the game.

UNT Students Protesting the Right to Make Everyone's Clothes Smell Like an 18th Century Coal Mine and Our Lungs Look Like One

DENTON - The Young Americans for Liberty organization passed out free cigarettes Monday and asked students to sign its petition in protest of UNT’s proposed smoking ban. As of 1:15 p.m. Monday, the group had collected almost 200 signatures.
Economics senior Clint Townsend headed the protesters. “I believe in individual liberty and personal responsibility,” Townsend said. “I think that the right to smoke is a fundamental right and it should be respected. It’s a very pertinent issue.” The current policy for smoking on campus prohibits smoking in campus vehicles, inside buildings or within 25 feet of a building. Though he does not smoke, Townsend said the university should not force its will on others, adding that he feels the current policy is sufficient.

What is it with UNT students shoving themselves in the news every week? If they aren't printing fake $20's or making sex tapes, they're shoving cigs in clean, innocent faces across campus because some 60's stoner sociology professor got on an ideological soapbox and brainwashed a few friendless debate club dorks. Nevermind the fact that I never remember reading about any right to smoke in any government class I was in, whatever happened to just pounding some Natty Lights and creeping on that hot from your study group or pissing in the school fountain like normal college kids? No way this Clint Townsend joker went through four years of college and still cares about freshmen level stuff like this if he had been out stuffing Chi O's and waking up in a mixture of vomit and shame like a real student.

By the Way - It should be noted that the bitch and the other idiots pictured are actually from some mindless Berkley protest. Go figure. Denton doesn't appear far behind anymore though.

Ghostbar Founder Now Pounding Red Bull Vodka's with Jesus, Heath Ledger, and Amy Winehouse

(*he's the one who doesn't play for the Mavs)

ASPEN, CO - Scott DeGraff, the man who launched the N9NE Group, died on Thanksgiving Day. DeGraff’s body was found in the garage of a home in east Aspen. An autopsy will be performed today to determine the official cause of death which police are calling an apparent suicide. DeGraff was 47.

DeGraff ran restaurants and nightclubs in Chicago, Las Vegas, and Dallas. [He and business partner Michael Morton] opened N9NE Steakhouse and Nove in Victory Park and Ghostbar in the W Hotel Dallas. DeGraff moved to Aspen in late 2008 and hit financial problems.

This is what happens when kicking ass goes wrong. So he had a few swings and misses with some other Victory Park failures and then found himself alone on a holiday in a cold, empty house with nothing but a bottle of cheap scotch, trembling hands, growing debt and a dwindling will to live. Who hasn't? Bottom line is that if you're a pseudo-celeb who can get a trendy new vodka to sponsor your birthday binge in this town, there's no question you crush it at Ghostbar like the supermarket checkout-line moms read about. Where else is it practically encouraged to pound Cristal, do a line off the balcony rail, feel up a Mavs dancer, and maniacally tease death by hanging over 33 stories just to get a thrill? This isn't your suburban Chili's here, people. I think we owe it to a true Dallas pioneer to hit up that bottle service and shoot up a speedball with an over-priced escort in an unlocked, DNA-stained bathroom stall. It's how he would have wanted it.

UNT Freshmen Busted for Making Counterfeit Cash, Being Freshmen

DENTON - Two UNT students arrested earlier this month face state and possible federal charges of cash forgery, a third-degree felony, after trying to use counterfeit bills they made in their dorm room, police said. Brent Bakewell, a business freshman, and Keeley Dunnam, a dance freshman, were arrested outside of Maple Hall sometime after midnight Nov. 7, when a police search of Bakewell’s dorm room uncovered a number of fake $20 bills. Officers originally received a tip about the forgery from an employee at a local convenience store, who refused service to Bakewell, a “regular” at the store, when he attempted to buy a pack of cigarettes with a counterfeit bill on Nov. 6. Officers obtained permission to search, and Grelle said it appeared the counterfeit money had been made in the dorm room, although it is unclear how.
Dan Rowe, a delivery driver with Jimmy John’s, said the shop received a call from Denton police the evening of Nov. 6 that asked employees to check all the $20 bills they had received that day. “I take more than 30 orders a night; I don’t always pay attention,” Rowe said, adding that he didn’t recognize the fake money when it was used to pay for a sandwich. “But when I took it out of my wallet, it was obvious it was an amateur thing,” he said.

Well, when a sandwich delivery driver refers to your operation as amateur, it could only be some sloppy, unprofessional freshmen pulling the strings, just getting a little too aggressive when the heat is on. At least we know why Ross Evans was in Denton though, right? Greed will take down even the greatest criminals eventually. I mean, who really believes that a UNT freshman is whipping out $20's to pay for a delivered sandwich like he's some SMU fraternity president? When you're expecting a chump kid to try and pay with nickles, leftover Ramen, string, and unwarranted, hyper-ideological political diatribes every other time, flashing $20's in Maple Hall sends red flags every time.

Ross Evans Finally Nails a Kick in the Clutch

DENTON - TCU kicker Ross Evans faces a misdemeanor charge of criminal trespassing after he kicked in an apartment door while trying to retrieve a cellphone for a friend of a friend, Denton police said Monday. On Monday, he turned himself into police and was released from jail about 3 p.m. on $2,500 bond, said a Denton police spokesman. A warrant was issued for Evans' arrest after a Nov. 8 incident in Denton. When no one answered the apartment door, he kicked it in. A police report was filed.

Only took three years since 2008 and that disastrous Thursday night at Utah, but Evans finally nailed a winner, huh? Sure it's not one of two 4th quarter missed chip shots to deliver a Conference Title to the Frogs, but at least some dude he barely knows got his cell phone back, right? His only crime should be wasting this time in Denton when there is more than enough blonde heat on that TCU campus to keep even a kicker busy.

Why the Hell Wouldn't Cubes Host Entertainment Tonight?

What else is a true champ supposed to do during a lockout but dominate the shit outta that ET set like it's Game 6 in Miami? Straight goin' to work between commercial breaks on Nancy O'Dell's front business like she's a gyrating flygirl on a classic Mark Cuban Show too. Only thing he's missing is the classic Cubes bangs, but ditching the Mavs sweater for the open-top button-up was the real money play. Your move, Players' Union.

How Much Would Miller Light Have to Pay You to Have Emmitt Smith and Some PR Stiffs Crash Your Cowboys Watch Party?

DALLAS - “How much money would it take to get the best running back of all time to watch a football game with me?” Now we have an answer: $22,000. It’s part of the “Miller Lite Homegating Experience,” and they say 100 percent of the final sale price goes toward the Gridiron Greats Assistance Fund. And what do you get for your 22 large? Apparently you can have a “reasonable” number of people over to meet the player (they define reasonable as 15-30) and he’ll sign autographs “within reason.” You have to provide the TV, and you’ll have to make room for 2 or 3 representatives from Miller.

Since I'm too lazy to read the articles I post about, I will assume that Miller Light paid this chump a mere $22k to fight through botched cliches and untimely salsa dancing while your team is trying to make a playoff push. Personally, I wouldn't talk if it's under $40k. He probably wouldn't look up from his cue cards about great taste and less filling to answer how many white chicks he stuffed during the Super Bowl run or the last time he and Irvin did a line off of a stripper's tits. Worst part is that you've gotta deal with the Miller marketing tools eating all of your queso, shitting in your bathroom, and creeping on the chicks. Yea, they might need to pay me $50k minimum.

Brooklyn Decker Forcing America to Care About the SI Swimsuit Calendar Whether We Want To or Not

Because of the internet I know we're all supposed to be sexually-immune to stacked smokehouses in swimsuits like it's your Aunt Doris sunbathing at the community pool and rec center for the family summer reunion BBQ. With one click of a button you can watch a masked midget whip a masturbating tranny to the tune of Yankee Doodle and still remain jaded. I get it. There's just something special though about the sweet innocence of a chick wearing just enough to keep me up at night scheming how to burn Andy Roddick in a South Texas egg farm fire, throw on some Lacoste tennis gear, and motorboat those mountains until I get stuck in there.

You Don't Showboat in Drew Henson's Highland Park Yard, Tease His Dogs, and Walk Away Free and Easy

HIGHLAND PARK, TX - Highland Park Animal Control has quarantined a dog owned by former Dallas Cowboys quarterback Drew Henson after it allegedly bit a 7-year-old boy last week. The incident occurred on the night of Nov. 7 when a father and son were walking their dog along the 4600 block of Lorraine Ave near the Dallas North Tollway. As the boy and father walked in front of Henson's house, three unleashed dogs in his front yard chased after the boy, according to a Highland Park police report released this week. The boy tried to escape but one dog bit him above one of his hips and caused the wound to swell, police said. When the father, Randall Descenes, confronted Henson about his dogs, Henson said "he did not need to have his dog on a leash since they were in his front yard," the report states.

Can you believe the audacity of these people? This isn't the Mid-Cities. Obviously new to the area, cause if you're livin' in HP next to Dallas' great luminaries, you've gotta know when to have a little respect. You can't just go high-steppin' in the lawn of a former Cowboys great with raw meat in your pocket right in the face of some innocent puppies. You do understand he led America's Team to a first half tie against the Bears on Thanksgiving in '04, right? Have you started for the Cowboys? Didn't think so. Punk kid probably wasn't even born yet. Either way put a band-aid on it and walk it off. You sure as hell aren't playing for the Scots with that weak game.

Where We Finally Settle the Eternal Debate Over Whether or Not a Transgended Widow Is Entitled to Death Benefits

WHARTON, Texas – The transgender widow of a Wharton County firefighter appeared in court on Monday to appeal a judge’s ruling that her marriage was invalid. A judge recently ruled Nikki Araguz’s marriage to Captain Thomas Araguz was not valid because she was born a man, making her ineligible to receive $600,000 in her husband’s death benefits. Araguz has been fighting with the firefighter’s family over the benefits ever since his death in a blaze at a local egg farm last year. Thomas Araguz’s family argued that the money should go to the two children he had with his ex-wife.

From a year earlier...
Born Justin Graham Purdue, Nikki married Thomas in August 2008, but in April of [2010], their attorney informed Thomas of his wife's previous identity and they separated. Thomas Araguz died later on July 4 battling a massive fire. Lawyers cite that the couple's marriage could not be considered legal because in the state of Texas, in which Thomas and Nikki were Wharton residents, two men cannot be married. The lawsuit claims that under Texas law, a person that undergoes a sex change is still considered the same sex that their birth certificate shows.

I'll tell you one thing, you shouldn't have to move to some armpit in South Texas and still have to preside over a shit-storm like this. This poor judge probably thought he was still in Austin. At any rate, it seems like a pretty open and shut case on the surface, just telling this greedy freakshow to shove it, that his family and previous kids deserve the money, transgendered people aren't real people anyway... blah, blah, blah. Well I'm sorry, but I'm not buying it for a second. Unless this firefighter was legally retarded, he got punked fair and square. Rule number one before any marriage: you've gotta look under the hood before signing the papers. You're telling me this joker never even knew his wife had a dick? No clue? Wake up, brah. Just because God doesn't love transgenders doesn't mean they can't swindle a cool $600k from your kids and their real mom like your read about. Think the guys at the firehouse gave him a little grief over that one? Ol' Captain Thomas was just sittin' back and enjoying those mean BJ's from some dude named Justin, a little too fat and happy to find out the inconvenient truth, and now his reputation and his kids have to pay. Hell, I woulda skipped town and started a vicious egg farm fire death rumor too... shit's humiliating. I probably would have at least said it was a gasoline farm though, makes the accidental death a little more conceivable.

Cowboys Gettin Played in Their Own Backyard

Very misleading score above. Boys are definitely losing where it counts. You can't just let some spare opponent waltz into your house and steal your best talent with the entire world watching. Only thing worse would have been if he pulled the ol' double palm-to-ass cheek reach-around right in the field-level suite holders grill. If he scores again I wouldn't be shocked he motorboats those beauties while on the jumbo-tron. Total power move that would definitely put the game away. Cowboys could get back in the game by showing the tape of how how Romo's kid was made on the big screen though. Don't think Witten wasn't in the corner filming and high-fiving the whole thing.

Enough of This Depressing Shit, Let's Celebrate Some Hippies Getting Pounded

Tired of Paterno and pedophile talk? Already sick of campaigns and debates with a year left before elections? That Rangers hangover still lingering? Occupy protesters leaving you questioning humanity? Well, we can certainly all celebrate cops ramming entitled, idealistic Berkeley punks without any meddling, over-rated provaction to take you into the weekend. [Clicks play on video, cranks up Avicii's Levels at the 1:07 mark, pounds a Red Bull Vodka, drops some X, ready to dominate the weekend.]

How to Go Straight to Hell from South Dallas

OAK CLIFF - [This] was taken by surveillance cameras at St. Cecilia Catholic School on Mary Cliff, just off Davis and Hampton in Oak Cliff. According to the police report, the three boys got away with quite the haul, including three Dell laptops, five flat-screen monitors and a few thou in other electronics.

That's some big balls on some little kids, huh? I mean, as Occupy Dallas knows, it's one thing to go south of the Trinity and pick on the greedy fat-cats at Wal-Mart, but when you break into a poor, Catholic elemantary school run by an even poorer church in your own neighborhood and swipe some donated swag from the few people who actually still care about your failed, handout-seeking community, that takes a special kind of horrible soul. The worst crime may be that they are too young to appreciate the depressing irony. Just imagine, every time you pay more in taxes, you're really just handing over your paycheck to families who churn out kids like these. Go America! Happy Friday!

Wash Turns into Richard Pryor Before World Series Game Sevens

Ron Washington's Game 7 Clubhouse Speech from JoeSportsFan.com on Vimeo.

Old school brother droppin F-bombs like they're goin out of style.

Occupy Dallas Just Protestin' for a Living Wage and Plowin' the Underage Like It's a Job

Let's not forget that these are the same clowns who should already be a laughing stock by the pro's up at Occupy Wall Street cause they hit up a South Dallas Wal-Mart and acted like they snuck into Bank of America's evil lair and discovered a bunch of suits burning kittens and minorities' dreams while laughing and smoking fine cigars. But now they've gotta creep on some homely, pre-pubescent runaway? Probably not the most effective way to get your point across. Just lacks any professionalism, really. Like, there's a reason you're the whatever % who can't get a job and sucks at life. While it starts with the fact that your trying to get your swag on in a chilly, diseased downtown tent, occupying yourself in some underage pants while in a city that surrounds you with hot, legal ass is really what separates you from life's winners you protest against. Guess Richard didn't know that our downtown means only beating traffic tickets by day and crushing Mantus by night. Amatuers probably can't even get bottle service in that VIP tent. Act like a professional, Dick.

It's Official: West Village Has Fully Come Out of the Closet

Let's be honest for a minute. For a few years now we've all been growing a little uncomfortable when waiting on a Blue Burger at Burger Bar, and forget getting a drink at Mi Cocina. Food's still fine and all, but it's just impossible not to notice the creeping influence of the Gay on what was once a pretty choice area for bro's looking to get their drink on before walking across the street to the Loon. Well, now I'm afraid our little old West Village has contracted the full-blown gay. They weren't happy taking over Cedar Springs like unassimilating Muslims in a progressive, over-tolerant Euro-state. Now they're bringing Halloween flash mobs outside Taco Diner while you're trying to sip your Mambo Taxi in relative hetero tranquility. If we're not careful, that stripper pole at the Lemon Bar is going to have the Indian chief from the Village People goin' Macho Man on it instead of the blonde heat you used to see when you walked in trying to get pregnant from it. Is there like a scent we can use as a repellent? What about a high-pitched whistle? Is that for gays or dogs? I don't even know anymore!

A New Day

Even with all of the winning in this town, we can't be so naive to think that even the strongest don't go down every once in a while, and when the big boys go down, it hurts. Thursday and Friday in St. Louis happened, and Sunday night in Philly might have even happened.

Don't ever forget that this is a city of winners. When Dallas looks at its dirty laundry and sees that CJ jersey-tee staring back, and can't get the image of that ball going over Nellie's head, just remember, this ain't Detroit or St. Louis. You can get a job in this town, you don't have to shovel snow for half a year, you don't have to fend off smelly hippies, and most importantly, there are hots that losers in other towns dream of, all around us, just begging for guys like you and I who can lay some pipe on a Thursday night after pounding Jager bombs and making the valet guy break a $100. We are so money, and no little baseball game is going to keep us from kicking ass like those other shithole towns dream about.

"D-Town bound, cause Dallas Texas is my city, and I'm gonna represent it..."

Everything's Cool, Guys, Vince Young Was Just Trying to Get $8,000 in $1's That Unforgettable Night in a Dallas Strip Club

DALLAS - Maybe you remember: Back in June of last year, Vince Young got into it with a gentleman named Creiton Kinchen at the strip club Onyx off of Northwest Highway. At the time, story was Young didn't take kindly to Kinchen's flashing him the upside-down "Hook 'Em Horns." A scuffle ensued in the wee small hours of a Sunday morning, and the QB got himself a misdemeanor citation courtesy the Dallas Police Department.

Well, today we find out the rest of the story ... allegedly. And it's so much better than originally told. This morning, Kinchen went down to the Dallas County courthouse and filed suit against the Houston native. Kinchen's suing Young for assault with a deadly weapon ("fist and feet"), and wants unspecified damages for injuries he says he suffered, as well as "mental anguish in the past and in the present."

Says Kinchen, on July 12, he was at Club Onyx, where he serves as "a manager with varied responsibilities," when Young came up to him. Says the suit:

Creiton was working minding his own business in the "cage" area dealing with an employee on credit card issues, when suddenly and without provocation, an intoxicated Vince Young began cursing and making derogatory remarks to Creiton because Creiton refused to sell Vince Young $8,000 (Eight thousand dollars) in $1.00 (One dollar denominations) using Vince Young's credit card. It was Vince Young intention to use the $1.00 bills to tip and throw money at the dancers who would entertain him and his party that evening.

There are many things that a star quarterback in Texas is entitled to... higher education, gifts from anonymous boosters, running a train on sorority girls angry who are angry at their dads, the old police officer look-away, and the like. If there is one absolute though, it's that when frequenting the Titter, a Fort Knox-sized vault must be available for unlimited $20's and $1's. There's a lot of pressure on these guys, and its the least we can do as a respected gentlemen's establishment... hell, as Texans, to allow these heroes to make it rain and motorboat some saggers at the snap of a finger. If this Creiton Kinchen was schooled in Strip Club 101, he'd know you can't turn down a drunk, famous athlete's request for a cash transaction. You wanna charge a 25% transaction fee? Boom. Done. Tits for Vince, tips for the sluts, and Creiton gets to pay that past-notice utility bill on his Carrollton duplex. Everyone wins, really. VY should be suing this guy and Club Onyx for denying him the right to kick ass in a timely fashion. This is Dallas, damnit.

By the Way - No, this picture probably wasn't from that night, but if I was looking this kick ass, I would sure as hell hope someone caught it and used it for a blog post.

Yes, Of Course Derek Holland's Apartment Looks Like This

Livin' The Dream: Derek Holland from MLB Players on Vimeo.

So his cabinets are lined with liquor, his counters are filled with beer pong cups and Doritos, and he sleeps on a blow-up mattress so his parents can stay with him. (Sigh...)  Yes, an entire millions-strong fan base just rested a 40-year-old championship dream on Harold and Kumar's roommate.

Michael Irvin Goes Full Throttle Even at 8th Grade Football Games

Look, I'm all for berating one's own 14-year-old son during a football game, F-bombs and all. It's the American way. You've gotta stay aggressive when motivating kids these days, damn Facebook and rock music. If you're the true #88 though, you've gotta keep your swag first and foremost. Losing your composure next to a bunch of suit-wearing dads and cell-phone-wielding trophy wives in suburbia just isn't a Hall of Fame move, Big Mike. You're better than this. Just get back to the car, light one up, and chill out next time.

Dallas Not Winning in One Thing: Respectable Protests

OAK CLIFF - Occupy Dallas protesters infiltrated an Oak Cliff Wal-Mart this evening -- a demonstration that ended when as many as a dozen Dallas police cars showed up to hustle them out.
"We always planned to march on Wal-Mart," said Dack Decker, who wouldn't exactly blend in at the store with his button-festooned denim jacket and yellow-streaked hair. "But it didn't come together until about 10 minutes before." Decker (real name, he tells me) said he and roughly two dozen protestors went into the store covertly at 6 p.m. and spent 15 minutes stashing fliers inside products.
"Then we blew a whistle." The occupiers "marched down the aisles," Decker said, putting their fliers over price tags, DVD racks, "just anything we could." Then they circled the cash registers, chanting: "We are the 99 percent," "What's disgusting? Union busting," and such.
Police cars began to fill the parking lot. Decker and his compatriots said officers entered the store, lined up in a chain, and herded them out.

This is losing on so many levels I can't even begin to add it up. And in October no less. As if the Rangers starters weren't choking enough, we've got these rookies making the real Occupy windbags look like the '27 Yankees. While the Manhattan crowd is fighting the futile fight at Wall Street Ground Zero, these misguided hipsters think the real battle-ground over imperialism and corruption is a low rent Wal-Mart? Talk about playing flag football while the big boys are playing tackle. Poor Pablo and his four kids are just trying to get some bread, milk, socks, and underwear on a roofer's salary, and now he has to deal with an over-zealous, hyper-idealistic humanities grad student telling him why he should go to Whole Foods and Urban Outfitters while making everyone miss Game One first pitch. Just shoddy protesting, really. You're in DALLAS. You have literally hundreds of establishments to choose from to paint a picture of greed, and you go south of the Trinity to a discount retail outfit? If Occupy was serious, they would dump these clowns faster than it takes to catch a disease in one of their tent cities.

Even Lazy, Ugly Strippers Are Looking for a Handout These Days

DALLAS - Next time you roll into a gentleman's establishment, ask yourself one question: Is this place in violation of the Fair Labor Standards Act of 1938? That's the law that established a national minimum wage and overtime pay. But the women who dance in topless and nudie joints don't make minimum wage and overtime. Which is why, earlier this year, a federal judge in D.C. ruled in favor of four dancers who worked at a place called The House, insisting that they were employees due a fair wage, not merely "independent contractors" shaking it for loose change.

...more and more cases are being filed -- like the one that landed at the Earle Cabell on Friday afternoon, brought by three women who've spent time on the pole at Jaguars Gold Club and are suing the Dallas-based ownership over proper pay.

So let me get this straight... these whores think that a mandated $7.25/hr will solve all their problems? Never mind the lack of any father figure and the occasional cocaine use, we're just going to gloss over all those party pounds, C-section scar and the fact that your on-stage presence is as sexy as a sleepwalking walrus? So your G-string's a few bills short when Def Leppard ends. How about mixing a salad, and a treadmill, and a little enthusiasm? Those flaccid cocks are gettin' up on their own. Time to invest up top and let those Jaguars clients get a little handsy. Let's show a little hustle out there and call yourself a damn professional.

WWCD Covering ALCS Like You Dream About

From Jack Ingram to the ginger ale shower, your WWCD staff was all over it...

Taking the field like champs...

Celebrating as AL champs...

Cards, BrewCrew, who gives a shit. We've all known this team is hotter than backwoods Arkansas moonshine (credit Alex on that birthday gift). City of champions keeps growing. Let's get it done, boys!

WARNING: CRUZ MISSILE!!!

Probably not the most favorable scoreboard here if you are the away team. Wonder what the instant odds are of the visitor winning that game.... 100-1? I'm not scared to take that next time though... great value there.


First he can't figure out when to hold and when to bring someone home, now Dave Anderson gets in the way of a photo you dream of? When can we get this bum outta town?


What in sports is more exciting than seeing something like this as a player? Anything?


Gotta hate the ol' home plate facial. Gets you in the eyes every time.


When is it all right to high-five a General Manager's pregnant wife, as well as to Team President and all-around icon? This. This is probably that time.





Well, no doubt that was worth watching at least a dozen times. Just the first walk-off Slam in post-season history. In the 11th. No big deal. No one wants to play this team right now, and they can't even get decent performances from their starters or get all their hitters going. Stomp that head right into the curb before they can get up, boys, and let's get this thing done in four!