See, Kenyon Martin, This is Why You Can't Have Nice Things

 

 

All pictures from Trulia.com

 

DALWORTHINGTON GARDENS - The Bryan Adams High alum has put his mansion in Dalworthington Gardens on the market. The asking price: $5 million. The 15,000-square-foot “Mediterranean estate” (five beds, six baths) sits on 8.4 acres along Rush Creek, not far from Martin [Arlington] High. It features four bowling lanes, a 10-car garage, seven fireplaces, an immense pool  and, of course, a full basketball court.

Sure, everybody knows a brotha's gotta have marble, black-on-white color schemes, and bowling lanes in his crib, maybe even a few dolphins to class up the joint. Just one problem, unlike that birthday hooker, you can't just put it anywhere. K-Mart even grew up inside the loop and knew better. Shoulda known you can't throw a dart on a map and just expect to have a ballin' club. This thing could come complete with a maid that wakes you up every morning with bacon and a handjob and I'm still not going to Dalworthington Gardens for even a night. He got greedy, felt like he needed a few more fireplaces and toilets. It was more about him than it was about the team. Cannot play with 'em. Cannot win with 'em. Cannot coach with 'em. Can't do it. I want winners. I want people that wanna win.

Looks Like Johnny Football May Have Picked Just the Right Time to Break Up with the Girlfriend

What's better than winning college football's most prestigious trophy and nailing that smokepiece? Try winning college football's most prestigious trophy and nailing numerous smokepieces. From the looks of her Twitter feed, which over the weekend had removed all photos of the Heisman winner and is instead featuring post-breakup Hallmark quotes, it doesn't look good for the First Couple of Aggieland. I just hope she doesn't think it was because of her wiping the floor with him at bowling. She should know the routine though. Every Heisman winner's allowed to upgrade girlfriends. It's on the trophy. Who'd you think that bronzed bro was giving the stiff arm to, a tackler? Please. That's why they couldn't give it to Klein. You can't go and get married beforehand like some chump. Only problem, Johnny, is that you better play this pretty carefully, cause when the NFL doesn't want you and all of the sudden you're Eric Crouch with a bigger nose and more troubling acne, that well of hot trim dries up faster than your coordinator skipping town. That's when you wind up desperate, drunk, and shirtless in a small town jail again, or Ryan Leaf.

UPDATE (1/16/13): Even though it doesn't really look like her, I guess true love may have prevailed, at least at a Clippers game.

WWCD Must Have Been Ineligible, Big Tex Tops Dallas' 2012 Google Search List

So Frontburner provided something moderately useful today and gave us a taste of what Dallasites are secretly Googling when no one's looking. Apparently they didn't want to embarrass themselves by including competing blogs. I get it. Keep swingin, D Magazine, eventually you'll be up here with the big swingin' D's like me. So...

1. Big Tex
2. Dallas Cowboys
3. Dallas Craigslist
4. Texas Rangers
5. Black Friday
6. Presidential Polls
7. Southern Methodist University
8. Dallas Mavericks
9. Studio Movie Grill
10. North Texas Tollway Authority

Besides leaving out such WWCD expose gems as pill-popping moms or bloody tampon attacks, there's unquestionably a few here that stink to high heavens. Look, D Mag, we all know your game. "Best Doctors," "Best Lawyers," "Best Tits," there's not a single list you churn out without a little quid quo pro. Not that there's anything wrong with shady deals, but let's at least call a spade a spade. You and I both can't prove that this heart doc is better than that one, and you sure as hell can't sit here and tell me that SMU and the Studio Movie Grill are in the top 10 most searched list. We all know it's tough times when you're featuring 6-6 football teams and over-priced popcorn, not to mention trying to push print magazines. Why not team up and talk about how popular you all are, right? I for one would just appreciate a little journalistic integrity for once. You can't just smugly sit there and tell me with a straight face that Rhonda Aikman or flax seed and blue corn tortillas weren't among the most googled in this town.

Looks Like I Need a 14 ft Stocking this Christmas, Santa, Cause I've Gotta Have This Long Driver

ARLINGTON - Michael Furrh is an Arlington golf pro who, according to his Facebook profile, splits his time between working in the pro shop at Rolling Hills Country Club, training caddies at Caddie Club Golf and swinging ridiculously long golf clubs.

Last week was Furrh's first, unofficial shot at the Guinness World Record for longest usable golf club. The mark was set in 2009 by a Dane, Karsten Maas, who drove a ball 134.5 yards using a 13-foot-5-inch club. As you can see in the video posted after the jump, Furrh bests both numbers, using a 14-foot-2.5-inch driver to hit the ball 144 yards down a Rolling Hills Fairway.

First off, yea I know it's been five weeks since WWCD has broken any anticipated groundbreaking news. After the election I had to fire the entire staff, fearing soaring payroll taxes and being forced to pick up their frivolous health insurance. The day I cover those entitled squids' birth control and genital rash creams is the day they pay for my lap dances and obscenely marked-up stoges. Since then I've had to fly solo to pay the bills, clean the bathrooms, and scoop stories until I can get this thing back in the air for good.

At any rate, if we can be honest for a second, I haven't been playing as much golf as one would expect from a mogul. I'm mainly waiting for the Brook Hollow membership to finalize so I can exclusively be around privileged, successful types like myself. Either way, if you can get one, there's no way you keep the 14 ft driver folded up in the bag on the very first hole. Sure it may have some stamina issues finishing at only 150, but when you steal honors and let this big dog eat, you're in your opponents' heads for the round. You know it, they know it, and that dimepiece cart girl knows it. Just no way you can act like a real man prancing up to the tee with your pussy 4 ft Taylor Made in that situation. She knows huge driver means huge cock every time, and probably even appreciates the limited stamina with the threatening size and all.

Frog-Gate 2012: Looks Like It's Pretty Tough to Pick a Side in TCU's SGA President Impeachment Proceedings Game

FORT WORTH - After two weeks of questions about the decision to spend $50,000 on the SuperFrog statue, Student Body President Brent Folan is facing impeachment.
The motion to formally begin impeachment proceedings was made at the end of Tuesday evening’s SGA meeting by former SGA Representative Jordan Mazurek.
“I’m not ashamed of anything I’ve done in office,” said Brent Folan to student representatives and about 60 students who crowded into the meeting.
Folan, responding to criticism for a lack of transparency on funding the $50,000 bronze SuperFrog statue on the first floor of the Brown-Lupton University Union, said: “I’m very proud of all the accomplishments we’ve had as a Cabinet.”

Seeing the new bronzed and bug-eyed addition to TCU's Student Center certainly doesn't help ease the fresh wounds of brutal Big 12 losses, but I mean, this bro's just trying to get through the year safe and sound with a nice resume builder, right? Maybe leave behind a little legacy gift for the kids? Well, maybe these bloated pork projects can fly in Washington, but one enviro-Nazi, union-marching, activist will see that they don't work on University Drive in Fort Worth, either.



President Folan, hoping his political career hasn't peaked

Last week, the SGA House of Representatives passed a bill requiring all non-budgeted student government spending above $15,000 to be passed by a majority of the House. Since then, there has been student criticism about the statue’s funding process, its $50,000 price tag and circulating rumors about a possible impeachment of Folan.
Mazurek, whose seat on Intercom was eliminated by Folan earlier this semester, created an event on Facebook urging students to attend Tuesday’s meeting.
"I created a petition on Facebook that invited [students] to come to SGA and reminded
them that SGA is an open forum for them to come and take part in,” he said at the meeting.
  

Mazurek - disgruntled activist at work

What's that? Oh, well then... could it perhaps be that someone isn't taking too kindly to Folan giving this vindictive hippie the heave-ho just months earlier? Well Mazurek, I see your move, and I raise you two Dolans. Two you ask?

(TCU360.com) Chief of Staff Evan Folan, younger brother of Brent, said his computer, containing the minutes from April’s meeting, crashed over the summer. SGA confirmed there are no records of the vote.
Evan Folan said he was not "allowed" to answer questions regarding the missing records, per Cabinet's collective decision not to speak to the media.

Well played, Folans. Well played indeed. The old hard drive crash excuse. It's impenetrable. Nevermind the classic, old school nepotism. We can only pray that some homely freshmen saved her own precious, scribbled copy of the meeting minutes, and this story really goes national. Until then, hopefully this isn't weighing too heavily on the hearts and minds of Gary Patterson's bunch as they enter a brutal November stretch.

Pill-Popping DFW Moms Finally Learning What it Takes to Be a Winner

“I am a supermom, that is all there is to it. I am on my game for my kids”

That sound your hear is my interns replacing the old "Blog Like a Champion Today" sign above the door to WWCD headquarters with "I'm a super-blogger, that's all there is to it. I'm on my game for my readers." Just like my boy Lance and me, Heather Moore finally figured out what it takes get to the top. Whether it's seven tour titles, 2 blog Pulitzers, or the illusive Mom-of-the-Year, sometimes the increasing blood pressure, lack of sleep, and trembling extremities are minor collateral damages on the path to greatness. You bet your ass it was tough for Mr. LiveStrong to climb up the Pyrenees while fighting cancer and skepticism, or for yours truly to pound out hilarious blog posts in the face of crippling writer's block and cock-starved groupies. Welcome to the club, Heather. The Winners' Club.

"You're Through, Soup Nazi!" - Seinfeld Soups Coming to a Tom Thumb Near You

 

 

The SoupMan, made famous by the "No soup for you!" line on Seinfeld, is now being delivered fresh from Al Yeganeh's soup kitchen near Hell's Kitchen in New York City to local Tom Thumb grocery stores. OK, maybe that's not the exact logistics, but it's close. After years of work, they've boxed it up and are shipping it out.
The Original SoupMan comes in four varieties: lobster bisque, chicken noodle, lentil and tomato bisque, with a suggested retail value of $3.79 and $3.99 for a 17.3-ounce carton. Much better then the 10 bucks in Hell's Kitchen.
Check their slightly fussy website for exact locations.
- taken from the Observer

Well, better late than never I suppose. While the lobster bisque certainly appeared to be the classic, I don't know what respectable soup-maker doesn't push the Jambalaya. For the better part of a decade the whole reason I ordered Jambalaya, or anything remotely Jambalaya-based, was solely to sneak in "Jambalaya!" like a giddy, portly, soup-starved mail carrier. Marketing 101, really.

"Relaxing with Cubes" Is Definitely the Hottest Thing on the Internet Right Now

Makin' chicks wet, without breakin' a sweat. Is there anything this guy can't do?

DJ Mbenga Shoots 50% on Field Sobriety Tests, Arrested Anyway

DALLAS – Former Dallas Maverick DJ Mbenga was arrested for public intoxication Tuesday morning after putting his hand on an officer's chest while leaving a restaurant at Fitzhugh Ave. and U.S. 75, according to a police report. The document says Mbenga was attempting to exit the Buzzbrews Kitchen at 4 a.m. Tuesday as a pair of Dallas police officers were walking in. The 7-foot Center put his palm on one one's chest and said, “You move out of my way.”

The officer stopped and responded, “You don’t touch police, let alone make that statement.” The incident report then says Mbenga said, “You want to go? I do what I want, so you move out of the way!” The officers smelled alcohol on the 32-year-old’s breath, who also had “unsteady balance” and bloodshot eyes. Mbenga was escorted out of the restaurant but continued to argue with the officers. The police report says he was cuffed and failed three of six field sobriety tests.

He was then taken to jail for public intoxication. The report says a witness told police he saw Mbenga act aggressively toward both the staff and a woman who he arrived with at the restaurant. The incident report says Mbenga told officers that he was a former Mav who was “supposed to go sign with the (Toronto) Raptors" before they took him to the detox center.

 

Tough crowd for a town with a recent championship, huh? I know the Moose wasn't here for it, but the guy's put in his time in the League with a respectable 47% from the field. I know paint players should be high percentage shooters, but the guy goes out and shoots 3 for 6 in crunch time like a pro, and still gets cuffed? Tough night for sure. Come on, officers, you knew he had "unsteady balance" years ago, that's why the Mavs let him walk in the first place. Moose never had a chance with these Dallas transplants, and he should've known it the second he had to tell them who he was. I feel ya, DJ. Hell, half the fun of going to Buzzbrews after 2am is the chance to run into some pseudo-celeb pushing the legal limit. If I know this town's late night taqueria scene like I think I do, there's no way he wasn't trying to high-five these pigs and just missed it like a free throw.

Must Be UT-OU Weekend: Dallas Broad Attacks Mom After Being Criticized for Leaving Bloody Tampon on the Bathroom Counter

 

DALLAS - Meet Yakia Lashonta Mays. The Texas woman, 35, was arrested last night for aggravated assault after she grabbed a kitchen knife and charged at her mother, who had upbraided her for "leaving a bloody tampon on the bathroom counter top," cops allege.
Sandra Mays, 52, got into a verbal argument with her daughter inside their Dallas home late last night, according to a Dallas Police Department report. The "major disturbance" was triggered by the discarded tampon. As the pair quarreled, Yakia (identified as "AP," for "arrested person") allegedly went into the kitchen, grabbed a knife, and "began charging" at her mother. "Bitch, I am going to kill you," Yakia announced.
Sandra Mays told cops that, fearing for her life, she ran to a back bedroom and locked the door. Sandra (identified as "comp," for "complainant") added that Yakia sought to break the door down. While doing this, she remaked, "Bitch, I am going to stab you in the middle of your fucking forehead." When cops arrived at the duo's apartment, they observed that the bedroom door was "semi broken off the frame." They also recovered the kitchen knife from the nightstand in Yakia's bedroom.

Talk about a battle that truly divides family, huh? There's no question Yakia was gettin' an earful from her Sooner-lovin' mom all week. "Horns got stomped the last two years," "no way Ash can play against a decent defense," "Mack's nuthin' but a jive-talkin cracka," or whatever else these illiterate cranks say these days. (that's Sooner and Longhorn fans... what were you thinking?) Just gettin' under a girl's skin like only a mother knows how. And what's Yakia supposed to say? That comeback card is empty, and every Texas fan knows it. Bro's woulda just shared a few punches then a couple brews, but not chicks. Always gotta step it up a notch. Yakia played the only card she had in the bag, or the underwear, as it were, and I don't blame her one bit. Sandra just has to take this give-up move as an ultimate debate victory and move on, not keep up the offensive. After that anything's fair game, including murder by kitchen knife.

How Soon Can I Party with Dallas' Biggest Dental Villain and His Home Water Park?

Cry me a river, Byron Harris. Let he who is without fraud cast the first stone, right? I for one know you don't become a titan of industry without cutting a few corners along the way. But once you start slappin' steel on the grill of every confused immigrant, then prop up your own Hurricane Harbor right in the backyard of the town's biggest taxpayers, you better own it. That means no blueprint leaks, no visitors, no questions, and no mistakes. Hear trouble? Waterhose time every time, plain and simple, like me with the jealous ex-girlfriends and blog groupies. Media mogul, dental magnate, whatever. Malouf gets it, and there's no question I'll be snortin' a line off the side of that slide before sliding headfirst into a pool of champagne-toasting, brace-faced call girls at some point. Funny thing is that I was looking at the same place on Strait Lane, but I didn't think it would be very ethical for a reputable sports journalist to be neighbors with the area's biggest sports star. I am still a professional.

Game 162; AKA Now We Get Serious

Staying up past midnight to watch the league's highest scoring team have their dicks go limp has been a real treat and all, but enough is enough.  So you got a few more September sellouts and beat the late local news in the ratings. That's great. But seriously, is this real life? No way the team with the second lowest payroll in baseball is gonna hand the two-time AL champs just their second sweep of the season. Fantasy land is over. Moneyball doesn't have a happy ending. Dempster has to have one good start in him, because I refuse to be a part of a playoff play-in game against Buck and his band of Rangers' cast-aways.

TCU Cracks Playboy's Top 10 in Nation's Best Party Schools; SMU Responds by Capping Both Party Attendance and Fun

DALLAS - The Daily Campus reported this week that the SMU administration has put in place what's been dubbed The 400 Rule, capping parties, both on- and off-campus, at 400.

"At first when we got told at the (Greek mandatory organizational) meeting, it was almost bedlam," says Billy Embody, student spokesman for the SMU Interfraternity Council. "People were still sitting down but people were just laughing and totally in awe at the rule."
SMU already had a party-size rule that allowed three guests for every member of the sponsoring organization, according the The Daily Campus. Groups had to give the university a guest list in advance to confirm the rule was followed, though Embody said the parties often swelled beyond that size with no consequences.
In the end, Embody said, the school tweaked the rule to accommodate formals and certain special events, which has eased concerns. But not completely.

Just your classic case of two young kids with lots of potential going in wildly different directions. Biggest week of the year, and what's the Mustangs' game plan? Just everyone's favorites law school slut pleading for free birth control and the administration limiting student parties to 400 people. Meanwhile TCU is raging with the nation's most kick ass campus's on the heels of a undefeated start on the gridiron. Talk about waving the white flag before kickoff, huh Ponies? Oh, and do yourself a favor and ignore the #1 Nightlife accolade. That's Dallas' trophy, not yours. If it was up to you, your administration would move you outta this talent hotbed to Mormom, Utah so fast it would make your head spin. At this point I almost feel sorry for hanging half a hundred on 'em and bringing the Iron Skillet back where it belongs. Kinda all they had goin, except for the surprising influx of frumpy feminists lookin' to ride bareback.

Jerry Being Jerry: Taking Over the Online Gay Cowboy Dating Scene One Misleading Domain Name at a Time

DALLAS - [2007] led to the Cowboys losing out on the coveted Cowboys.com domain name in an auction, which came back to haunt them this week when Cowboys.com launched as a gay and straight cowboys dating website after spending the past five years in hibernation. Yee-haw!
Despite being declared the most valuable team in the world, Jones and his organization was bucked off the domain bronco in 2007 because of a price misunderstanding during an auction for the domain. DomainNameNews reports a Dallas Cowboys representative had the winning bid of “275″ in an auction for the domain in October 2007. But unknown to the winning bidder, that bid was in thousands and not singles.
The Cowboys balked at the high price tag and the domain was put up for auction again, which was won by a group led by Eric Rice for $370,000, DomainNameNews also reported.

Do I write too many gay-oriented posts? Probably. Is Jerry the second-most sneaky brilliant and innovative billionaire sports-owner in this town? Absolutely. Even with all the concerts and college games, that stadium isn't paying for itself, and Jerry of all people knows when and where to tap that lucrative glory hole, as it were. There may be one demographic that Jerry hasn't quite yet penetrated, so to speak, and that's the gay, and what a better town to attract the gay than Dallas. Sure he can't exactly bust out a rap like he's slingin' five-star combo's. Bottom line, if this Eric Rice bro isn't sneakin' around on the 'Boys dime, I'll eat my novelty foam finger. They're not just stocking up on those pink #9 jersey's for blonde side-pieces.

Just Another Night on Cedar Springs: Dancer at Gay Club Stabbed by Ex-Girlfriend

DALLAS - A woman working as a dancer at a gay club in Oak Lawn was stabbed multiple times by her ex-girlfriend early this morning, police say. Officers responded to the incident at Station 4 in the 3900 block of Cedar Springs Road shortly before 2 a.m., according to a police report.
During the fight a female attacker cut the victim, 23-year-old Melissa Yung, with an unknown object, leaving a major laceration on the left side of her neck and others on her chest and abdomen, the report says.
Police say the suspect, identified as the dancer’s ex-girlfriend, was wearing all black and fled in an unknown direction after the fight.

While strip club imbroglios around town have been nothing new lately, this one has too many twists and turns for my simple-minded hetero brain. I just feel like I'm always completely in the dark with the whole Cedar Springs scene, but I'm sure not ready to go and pull back the curtain myself. Can you just dance, strip, and grind at any gay bar you walk into, or are there some where you can just chill and watch WNBA? Are lesbian strip clubs even a real thing? If you wanna talk about equality, how come if a dude wants his face tit-slapped for a nominal fee, he has to go all the way to Stemmons and Walnut Hill, while these greedy rug-munchers can just stroll down from Lucky's for their motorboatin' fun? If it's that easy, I may have to see how butch these broads are, cause if I can find just one with a mutual appreciation for implants and generous crotch-riding, then me and these bull dykes may have some common ground after all. It's not like my odds of sneak-banging any other disinterested dancer were any better. Just unfortunate this had to happen during Dallas Gay Pride Parade weekend. Guess we can all agree that relationships should be kept man-woman, where there's never any trouble.

Guess My Invitation to DFW's Secret Living Room Concerts Got Lost in the Mail

DALLAS - The living room is packed with avid music fans, but the room is so quiet, you could hear a guitar pick drop. Attendees are there to see a handful of bands at a show they didn’t have to pay for, and they weren’t told who they would be seeing. This is a Sofar Sounds show, a grassroots company based out of London whose sole focus is to introduce artists from all walks of life to fans around the world.
Sofar, which stands for Songs from a Room, started in 2009, but now has regular events in Paris, Berlin, New York City, Los Angeles, and Dallas.
The Dallas shows fill up quickly, many with a waiting list. Participants know about the shows by signing up for a monthly email blast. Then, organizers extend invitations to fans whose music tastes align with the bands chosen.
Volunteers all around Dallas-Fort Worth offer up their homes for the events. Once the audience arrives and gets settled, the staff asks everyone to be quiet, sit still, and turn their phones off. These shows are meant to be solely about the music and the artists performing it.
Interested music fans can sign up at Sofarsounds.com, but you've got to wait for that golden ticket.

When I handcrafted my first hilarious WWCD post, and shortly thereafter, single-handedly built a media conglomerate from the ground up, the perks have been great... credentialed access to the best games, a tax haven to shelter gambling stacks, instant BJ's from adoring female readers, the whole deal. If it has VIP or secret in the name, I'm pretty much in no questions asked. Every once in a while though a logisitcal snafu can leave me in the dark. That being said, I don't want to go to an invite-only living room concert, I need to go to an invite-only living room concert. I don't even care if it's crappy music and smug hipsters. There's no question I'm gonna find something to sing along to, leave the crowd begging for me to take over the make-shift stage, and drag some mediocre piece outta there. These pipes don't lie. Just need Sofar to tell me how the important people get in. I don't just sign up and wait it out like some squid.

If Three Women March into the Titter and Beat Up Your Dancer Mid-Grind, Do You Get Your $20 Back?

DALLAS - Marqualia Bernard is a dancer at Exposure Sports Cabaret, a fairly new club conveniently located near a tangle of freeways and Love Field Airport. According to a police report, she was sitting in the club around 1 a.m. this morning when three women, whom she knew, entered the club "and immediately started walking towards her in an aggressive manner."
Bernard stood up. The women "overpowered her," the report says, and started hitting her.
Security broke up the fight and removed the women from the club. When the cops showed up, a security guard issued each lady a criminal trespass warning. The cops then wrote all the women citations (they were 22, 26, and 27, according to DPD's records). Then they let them go.

Common courtesy would certainly warrant any respectable dancer to at least clean up a bit and start Def Leppard over. Maybe call it even for spilling your $9 beer mid-scuffle and killin' a good chub. I mean if this was all part of your bachelor party stage show I'd say rip those broads' tops off, reap that mythical four-for-one deal, and get in on the whole spankin' and slappin' fun. Amateurs just may have a little something to prove up there anyway.

Rhonda Aikman Arrested for Public Intoxication in Murphy, Continues to Veer in Depressingly Different Direction from Successful, Popular Husband

MURPHY - The ex-wife of former Dallas Cowboy Troy Aikman was booked into Collin County jail Monday on a public intoxication charge. Rhonda Jordan Aikman, 43, was released from jail the same day on a $269 bond. She was charged with the Class C misdemeanor by Murphy police, according to county jail records. Murphy police were not available late Monday to provide details about the arrest.

Rhonda Aikman, who divorced the quarterback last year, was also reportedly signed on to be a part of the Bravo TV reality show The Real Housewives of Dallas, which has not yet aired.

Never an easy day being a celeb's ex. Sure your consolation prize is a nice house and some robust monthy checks, but you're still saddled with kids who'd rather be hangin' out with their cooler parent. Nothing's tougher than losing that red carpet spotlight though. One day you're the doting wife of a treasured icon, smiling away at the intense heat of intrusive flashbulbs and jealous groupies, the next your getting busted tippin' back a few in a suburban high school parking lot at 9:30 in the morning. Meanwhile the ex, when he's not crushing Highland Park, could drive 80 mph down Mockingbird after a killing a bottle of Goose and get off the hook with an autograph, a Wing-Stop boneless cajun 6-piece, and a dreamy smile. Poor Rhonda can only whore herself out to the reality TV cesspool to at least be admired by a vocal minority of fashion-conscious queens.

Breaking Down the TCU Frogs 2012 Schedule, Complete with Our Own Early Line Estimates

The gloomy events surrounding TCU's campus in early February seem quite innocent now, don't they? In the end, TCU lost four contributors from a 11-2, undefeated-MWC Champion team, and hope that its quarterback can keep his nose clean enough for at least a few more months. Taking a brief look at this year's Frogs:

• Throwing for an impressive 2921 / 25 / 7 while completing 66% in his first season as a starter, Casey Pachall led the nation's 9th best scoring offense as the NCAA's 12th-rated passer. He will have to help break in an O-line that lost 3 significant starters, but keeps his top 3 WR's in yds and TD's with Boyce, Dawson, and Carter.
• The Frogs had the rare feat of 3 RB's rush for over 700 yds last year. They return Waymon James and Matthew Tucker (18 rush TD's beween them), and lost the recently-released Dallas Cowboy, Ed Wesley.
• The Frogs defense had a bit of a down year in 2011, by their lofty standards, finishing 28th in scoring defense, 25th in rush defense, and 60th in pass defense. From that unit, they lost TWO-time MWC Defensive Player of the Year Tank Carder, as well as the majority of the secondary. They will bring back 1st Team All Conference DE Stanley Maponga and 2nd Team All Conference LB Kelly Cain, who led the team in tackles. The Frogs were actually in a nice position to replace Carder with 2010 leading tackler Tanner Brock, but the Fort Worth PD said otherwise.
• 

  

  Does the NFL have a limit on armbands?

  Special teams took a substantial hit, losing MWC Speacial Teams Player of the Year Greg McCoy, as well as the long-time kicker/punter combo of Ross Evans and Anson Kelton.

As of 8/22, Sportsbook.com has TCU down for 7.5 wins. The public likes the Frogs, as the over is only paying -170, with the under giving +140. One could even conceivably make the case that each game gets progressively harder throughout the entire season. If everyone stays healthy, and given each opponent's opening game rosters and outlooks, we can have some fun getting some early line estimates on the record. It should be noted that over the last four years, including bowls, TCU has only been an underdog FOUR times, while they could be dogs at least that many times this year alone.

Sept. 8th - Grambling St at TCU (-42)
The Frogs will debut a fancy, new $164 million renovated stadium against a Tigers team that went 8-4 in 2011, including a 35-7 loss to their only FBS opponent, Louisiana-Monroe.

Dial Gold Is the Biggest Chump Going in the Bar Soap Game

Arguably the biggest marital mixed blessing is the Mrs. handling the shopping. Yea you get to stay at home and watch the game, but then all week you're stuck like a sucker with Greek yogurt, flimsy tortillas, and your Grandma's bath soap. Nothing like blindly opening a fat ten-pack of Dial Golds pre-shower, only to come out on the other end feeling and smelling like you've been molested by an angry herd of cane-wielding seniors.

There's only three bar soaps any bro can seriously consider, and I don't include the douchey, tarted-up spray, gel, and scrub harlots of the bathroom aisle. Anything else and you're the no-confidence loser trying to ignore the office snickering behind your unclean back.

1. Dove Cool Moisture with cucumber and green tea scent
Changing the soap scene one lather at a time. One wash and your winning the rest of the day. When some hot piece slides up next to you and gets that faint whisper of that cool combo, it's go time.

2. Irish Spring Icy Blast
The Irish may have tried to push some gimmicky soaps over the years, but they got one right with the Icy Blast. Couples the instant burst to lead off with the power to clean-up every night of the week.

3. Dove Men+Care Extra Fresh
Another heavy hitter in the Dove line-up. Not gonna surprise anybody with the flash or character of the young guns, but it's gonna go out and give you a consistent, solid performance without complaint.

Dallas Observer Straight Creepin' Jailbait at Identity Festival, WWCD Piles On

DALLAS - Identity Festival marked one of this biggest days of the year for EDM fans, as almost 20 of the world's top DJs took the stage at Gexa Energy Pavilion in Dallas. DJs at this year's festival included Eric Prydz, Wolfgang Gartner and more. Photographer Mike Mezeul was on hand to capture the fans.



Girl on left: 1) trade tattoo for friend's tits 2) apply for WWCD internship



Jason Aldean's Dallas Concert Sells Out in Minutes, Slowly Forcing Normal People to Care

PEGASUS NEWS - So apparently enough skoal-dipping, jorts-wearing simpletons have sold out Starplex or Smirnoff or whatever for a concert with four people I know nothing about. Seems like they coulda saved everybody a lot of trouble and found an empty field in Ellis County for it though. Anyway, I thought it might be time to see what all the fuss is about, only to discover that the headliner sounds like Larry the Cable Guy started a music career while three of his first six songs on iTunes stereotypically include dirt roads, tattoos, and tractors in their f'ing titles. There used to be a day when respected redneck artists would at least try to hide their white trash language with safe, generic names like "On the Road Again" or "Workin' Man Blues." The opener, Dee Jay Silver, does at least sound like some fatherless East Texas runaway whose G-string I would stuff a $20 into, so there's that.

Mike Modano Divorces Willa Ford, Retires to Stud Like a True Professional

Like they always say, someone somewhere is tired of hittin' that. Gotta hand it to the great #9 though, single and ready to mingle just when retired life really kicks in. When one game ends another begins. Play on, playa.

WWCD Field Trip: Time to Remind the Interns Who Runs This Joint

So I know the posting has been a little slow around here this week, but the intern ineptitude has really been hitting a tipping point. Cold coffee, stale local news leads, unmotivated sexual quid pro quo.... the whole deal. So, nothing like a staff trip to the gun range to put a little fear into these entitled hipsters. If the smoke and flying bullet casings aren't enough to get'em on the edge of their seats, rapid-firing a full magazine from an unsympathetic AR-15 through the head of a acne-scarred Greg Popovich poster can really inspire the troops. Just the morning after, a busty marketing major with a penchant for raw power and a trained assassin's wit greeted me with a steaming latte and a hearty handjob, just like the good ol' days. Mission accomplished, and all without having to flash the Glock .45 from the hidden desk compartment.

Happy 54th Birthday, Cubes

Party like your Hoosier days, poundin' those hungry drives with your floppy disk.

Dirk Nowitzki Continues to Lose the Marriage Game

KENYA - Here are more photos of Dallas Mavericks’ Dirk Nowitzki during a ceremony where he paid dowry for his bride to be Jessica Ollson. The NBA star was in Kenya honoring his fiance’s wish to hold a traditional Kikuyu ceremony commonly practised in Kenya.
Jessica is said to still hold this customary ceremony dear and expressed her wish to share the moment with her extended family in Kenya. The couple is scheduled to hold an official wedding in Germany.

I know everybody and their girlfriend has already talked about this potential Dirk wedding or whatever, but I just can't let it go. It's bad enough when you're still fighting through your buddies' "I told ya so's" from a failed engagement to a transient grifter during a playoff run. Now he's gettin' dragged over to Obama-land to get ass-whipped with goat-tails and the icy stares of javelin-wielding bridesmaids. Weren't we all told this broad was from Sweden anyway? Who needs the natural beauty of a Stockholm summer when you can take the Texas heat to a third world backyard I guess. She better do moves in the sack my wife doesn't even know about.

The Mythical Blow and Russian Roulette Combo Rarely Ends Well

DALLAS - A Northwest Dallas man died yesterday in an apparent game of Russian roulette. Police say Luis Bocanegra, 32, was drinking and snorting cocaine with a friend in their apartment in the 3000 block of Valley Meadow Drive. They then decided to play Russian roulette with a .38 revolver. The two took turns putting the gun to their heads and pulling the trigger, police said. On one of Bocanegra’s turns, the gun fired. He was dead when emergency crews responded.

There's a fine line we tight-rope across here at WWCD, and that's dealing with death. 99% of the time it's a stay-away, but it's not all drunk-driving accidents and cancer victims. Every once in a while you get a Luis Bocanegra, who lived life like everyone else only jokes about at mere football and imported beer parties. This bro's lived more in one drug and adrenaline-fueled night than most mortals do in a lifetime, and went out guns blazin' like only he knew how [editor: scrap the pun if too soon]. Only Luis, his roulette partner, and God know how hard he must have rolled when it wasn't a Sunday. If those nights didn't involve pistol-whipping a hooker outside of a high-stakes cock-fighting ring, I will be sorely disappointed.

Fort Worth Doesn't Like Sex Shops, Prefers Its Lovemaking Dry, Missionary, and Joyless

First of all, if being a regional media mogul ever stops paying the bills and I have to start slingin' sex jellies and anal beads from some low-rent mall kiosk, there's no question I would've called it the Velvet Box. Guess I'll have to go with runners-up Satan's Doorbell or The Whisperin' Eye.

At any rate, tough break for Fort Worth here. It's bad enough being the forgotten little brother of D/FW, but if you do get laid, you're telling everybody that your partner didn't enjoy it. I'm not saying everyone needs to incorporate ball gags and love swings, especially while drunk and accident-prone, but how about at least slippin' into some skimpy, lacy number that's sexier than a faded, over-sized Mickey Mouse T-shirt, sweetheart? Not to mention a little something to lube the gaskets a bit before a long ride, for safety's sake. Marcelle knows it, and so do all dried-up love tunnels everywhere. How about the poor bastards who end up home alone on Saturday night and have to drive to Bedford to pick up their FleshLight like freakin' losers? While the rest of the Metroplex is slaying the Kama Sutra, Fort Worth is fumbling to find the right hole in the dark.

Ghostbar is Closing, Dallas to Become Considerably Less Kick-Ass

DALLAS - Two of the last remaining food and drink spots from the early days of Victory Park – Craft Dallas and the Ghostbar – will close soon, according to a statement from the W Dallas Victory hotel. Craft Dallas, celebrity chef Tom Colicchio’s North Texas expansion, will close at the end of summer and reopen in the early fall as Cook Hall, an American gastropub.
Ghostbar, on the 33^rd floor, will close later this month.
Hotel management sees the change as a “natural evolution.”

Well, I honestly don't know what's more devastating, that this great city will soon be losing it's finest lounge, or that it was completely buried in everyone's story by the closing of a run-of-the-mill steakhouse for yet another gastropub. Either way, it's been a real rough stretch for the great Ghostbar. First it's founder did himself in last November, now the legendary institution itself will soon be found lifeless in an enclosed garage with nothing but a running foreign sports car and tearful regret. Say what you will, but of all the many cheesy ultra lounges in this town, you couldn't beat the Ghostbar's starpower or view. Was truly a must-visit. No word yet on the real reason for the closing, or what will become of the some of the hottest square footage in town, but tip some Grey Goose and palm-slap a high-dollar escort's ass tonight in its honor.

Jaguars' Football Player Tweets Daily Schedule, Gives Me an Idea

So sites and blogs everywhere have been talking about this offseason sched from the Jag's DE Austen Lane, and for good reason. Dude is clearly killing it. Got me thinking that it may be time to pull the curtain back a little on the day-to-day around here...

A media mogul is a tough job, but somebody's gotta do it.

Irving-Based Chuck E. Cheese to Exterminate Limp-Dicked Spokes-Mouse for a Kick-Ass Rock Star

IRVING - In a media campaign set to launch Thursday, the parent of the Chuck E. Cheese’s chain hopes to rebrand its spokes-mouse as a rock star. The new campaign, from the Dallas-based Richards’ group, is called “Chuck E. Rocks,” and features the voice of Jaret Reddick, best known as the lead singer and songwriter for the pop-punk band Bowling for Soup.
“It’s the perfect evolution of the brand and one that will speak directly to kids,” Rhonda Zahnen, principal at The Richards Group, said in a statement.
The campaign will launch Thursday with a TV spot focused on belonging. Three other spots will focus on “fun,” “power” and “birthdays,” each named for something a child experiences at Chuck E. Cheese’s. The Irving-based chain also will promote rock star Chuck E. online and in its 554 restaurants.

Well I guess someone just got put back in the birthday rotation, didn't they? There wasn't a harsher buzzkill then hitting up the Cheese and having that squid kill my skeeball domination. Chuck's game has been gone for years, always sporting cheap, outdated clothes with heavily-liquored breath, groping the pregnant moms, and killing the band's trademark chemistry. Even the distracted five-year-olds knew it was time to go, but word on the street is that the wolf and bear caught him hastily disposing a used heroin needle underneath a pepperoni pizza just before going on stage for the afternoon's 47th rendition of "Happy Birthday." Not everybody can handle the celebrity lifestyle for long, but I'm pretty confident Chuck E. Rocks can. Rock star swag for days while crushing the Les Paul, jeans, and Converses. Plus, anybody who emphasizes "fun, power, and birthdays" has a spot on my team anyday.

Get Me These Dwarf Footballers for My 4th of July Party!

ARLINGTON - A cluster of smaller-than-average hands dispersed on cue as the orange-shirted members of Alpha Dwarves took the field under the lights at mammoth Cowboys Stadium.

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! Yep, nothing celebrates America quite like watching midgets compete for mini trophies and our drunken enjoyment. And you're damn right that after the game I'm getting them to serve as wait staff for the WWCD 4th of July extravaganza. Is it too late to book the Ritz penthouse? Seriously though, is a midget athletic trainer a straight gig or what? Do you have to get a special certification for it or something?  Just no way I could keep a straight face through the whole stretch.

Dallas' Own Miss TB and "Just Like a Nigga" Straight Tearin' Up Kiest Park

It's not exactly the playful innocence of Will Smith's "Summertime," but I feel like I'm ready to offically kick my summer off now. Your guess is as good as mine as to what TB stands for, but I know I definitely don't plan on runnin' into her. It's not so much the racist part, it's just that if we ended up together in a Hampton Road duplex bedroom, there's only three conceivable endings. I get raped. I get shanked. I get raped and shanked. All involving tearful apologies and sexual inadequacy. Yep, gonna be another summer north of the Trinity.

I do wonder if the black community was sporting the Rangers gear when they weren't winning pennants. Wait... no I don't. They were not.

- via DC9 at Night

How Far Back Did Frisco's Flash Mob Put Them In the Race for America's Friendlist Small Town?

FRISCO - Frisco is up against five other cities vying to be named America’s friendliest small town in a contest sponsored by Rand McNally and USA Today.
Two-person teams were dispatched to visit the finalist cities, and apparently Frisco welcomed its visitors on Saturday. As part of their aim to “show just what the city is made of,” Frisco leaders organized the greeting (performed at the Comfort Suites along the Dallas North Tollway) that you can see in the video above.

Just when you start to get sick of your town and it's occasional murders, meth den raids, socialite pedophilia syndicates, or luxury condo-tower foreclosures, it could be worse. Nothing screams desperation more than a viral video of underage white girls shuffling around in flip-flops and confusion at a roadside budget hotel chain to tell an apathetic nation how supposedly friendly they are. Even the Mormon high schoolers are laughing while their mixers look like a Barstool Foam party. Real winners play to their strengths and let their game speak for itself. Suburban farmland sprawl, third-tier sports teams, budget-friendly bar and restuarant chains that close at midnight, and Safety Town is your game, Frisco. Leave the song-and-dance routines to the mid-cities simpletons.

By the Way - Who forgot the tell the brotha in the back that this was a whites-only hoedown? Homie ain't got time fo 'dat.

By the Way #2 - Should you ever win a small town award with 125,000 people? Just feels a little tainted with such shady eligibility requirements.

What Exactly is Mrs. Benefactor Trying to Pull with Flax Seed and Blue Corn Tortillas?

It's bad enough that I have to make my own dinner when all I know how to cook is breakfast tacos, but who is she trying to fool with this sneaky tortilla swap? When you go with the unproven, tarted-up flavor-of-the-week over the ol' reliable veteran, things are gonna get dicey. In this case, a shredded, crumbled mess after one just one bite. This late in the game, you go flour or you go home. Flour is gonna dig in, work the count, and give you a solid plate appearance every time. Flax seed and blue corn rookies swing first pitch and pop up in the clutch. That's a clown tortilla, bro.